- During my teenage years, I developed disordered eating patterns.
- Although I am now in recovery, discussions about diet culture can still trigger me.
- When my parents began dieting, I realized the need to establish boundaries with them regarding this topic.
I embarked on my first diet at the age of 15. From then until my early 20s, my overwhelming focus on losing weight and achieving thinness led to the development of disordered eating habits. Unfortunately, this obsession overshadowed my once-loved hobbies and social activities, all in pursuit of fitting into smaller jeans.
Last year, at 23 years old, I finally recognized the damaging nature of this habit and made the decision to quit dieting. Since then, I haven’t looked back.
Coincidentally, as I made this positive change in my life, my parents decided to embark on their own dieting journeys. Each time I spoke with them, they would inevitably bring up food and their weight loss progress. While I appreciated their desire to share their experiences with me, I grew concerned that engaging in discussions about diet culture could drag me back into harmful patterns. It was essential for me to find a solution.
Setting Boundaries with My Parents
Prior to a recent call with my parents, I realized that the best way to protect my well-being was to establish boundaries regarding “diet talk.” This involved clearly defining specific topics that we should avoid discussing, such as their enthusiasm for intermittent fasting, the number of pounds they’ve lost, their constant salad consumption, and their desire to be thinner.
Based on my previous experiences in setting boundaries with others, I understood that it might not be successful on the first attempt. This proved true with my parents; it took multiple conversations for them to truly grasp where I was coming from.
Initially, my dad struggled to comprehend why I wanted to avoid conversations about food, weight, and dieting. He argued that we rarely discussed their diet journey, and while that may have been technically true, any frequency of such discussions was problematic for me. These conversations would delve into specifics like their eating choices and weight-tracking methods, which made me uncomfortable. After several discussions expressing my feelings, he became more intentional about avoiding dieting topics during our conversations. Although he occasionally slips up, I appreciate his efforts, and our relationship has improved as a result.
Unfortunately, my mother hasn’t been as receptive to my boundary-setting. She has pushed back on multiple occasions, claiming that I am unsupportive of her health management. She has even compared me to my sister, who also refuses to discuss diet culture with our parents. These conversations often lead to arguments, and my dad explains that it makes my mom feel “isolated.” However, I wish my mom could understand that I also feel this way when she disregards my boundaries.
Prioritizing My Mental Health to Strengthen Our Relationship
I have openly expressed my feelings to my mom, emphasizing that although I may come across as assertive, my intention is never to hurt her. Rather, I want her to understand the profound emotional pain dieting has caused me. The restrictive eating habits, constant comparisons to thinner peers, inability to enjoy clothing, and excessive exercise have left lasting scars. I have assured her that creating boundaries around this topic doesn’t diminish my care for her.
As her child, I genuinely care about her well-being and want to know that she is healthy. However, I must also prioritize my own mental health. I appreciate when my mom shares her holistic self-care practices, like finding tranquility in gardening or enjoying creative hobbies like making soap bars, essential oils, and face masks. These topics foster more meaningful conversations than discussing dieting ever could.
Reinforcing these boundaries has brought my parents and me closer together, deepening our relationship. We now engage in fewer discussions about diets and focus more on meaningful aspects, such as their retirement plans or the joys and challenges of raising an energetic one-year-old cat. I now look forward to talking to my parents more than I did a few months ago. Ultimately, maintaining a healthy relationship with my parents supports my mental well-being, and setting these boundaries plays a significant role in that. Our strong bond has always been important to me, and I have no desire to change that.
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