As an African American ballet dancer, I have always wanted my skill to be recognized before my skin color. At the age of 15, I made the decision to train at the prestigious Bolshoi Ballet Academy in Moscow, hoping to escape the stereotypes and prejudices I faced in the United States. In Russia, I found the freedom to define my own identity and future, without the constraints of American history and racial biases. The Russian culture didn’t pay much attention to diversity, so I wasn’t tokenized or labeled to fulfill a quota.
However, my experience with the American Ballet Theater (ABT) was drastically different. Upon my return to the U.S., my skin color became a focal point, often determining the roles I was cast in. I was consistently given roles that portrayed me as sinister or exotic, reinforcing racial stereotypes. Even when I was given significant roles like Harlequin in “Harlequinade,” I still felt confined to playing servant-like characters. It was disheartening to feel humiliated and trapped in these roles, wondering if I would ever be seen as worthy of more prestigious roles.
While the leaders at ABT deny my interpretation of my time with the company, I question their reasoning. If they truly believed I lacked the skills necessary for the roles I desired, why was I promoted to soloist in 2020? Ballet is highly hierarchical, and past casting decisions often shape future roles, including considerations of body type and race. Despite my efforts to focus on developing my skills, it was disheartening to witness black dancers being cast as maids or consistently pushed aside as understudies.
ABT prides itself on historical accuracy, citing their casting of Desmond Richardson as Othello in 1997 as a milestone for black dancers. While it was a significant step forward, it was also bittersweet. Othello is a ballet that takes tragedy and transforms it into beauty, transcending cultural boundaries. Did the world truly recognize the power and universality of Desmond Richardson’s example?
It wasn’t until the murder of George Floyd in 2020 that ABT began to address issues of race and diversity. Suddenly, I was promoted to soloist and another black dancer, Calvin Royal III, was promoted to principal dancer. The company started initiatives for diversity and equity, urging us to engage in outreach programs in underserved communities like Harlem. However, I couldn’t help but feel like my race was being emphasized more than my skills. The focus on diversity seemed performative, lacking substance and genuine commitment to change.
The recent racial reckoning in America following George Floyd’s death has exposed the superficiality of many institutions’ efforts. People have taken down Black Lives Matter signs, revealing a country that values symbolism over meaningful action. This mindset is not surprising, considering America’s history of prioritizing appearances rather than making substantial progress.
An example of this superficiality was being cast in “Lifted,” a supposedly groundbreaking show featuring only ABT’s black dancers. Despite being created by a Jamaican-born choreographer and receiving support from black dancers in the company, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with the sudden “wokeness” of it all, considering my previous casting experiences. The idea of creating an all-Latino or all-Asian cast for the ballet seemed arbitrary and absurd, harkening back to a time when separate units for black and Spanish dancers existed in ABT.
This disheartening experience led me to seek refuge in Paris, following in the footsteps of Josephine Baker and James Baldwin. There, I found a space to breathe and embrace my mixed-race identity. In art galleries and cabarets, I performed without the restrictions and shadows of institutions. I adopted the term “métis,” which means a person of mixed race, and found comfort in being seen as someone beautiful because of my differences.
Now back in New York City, I think about the pain Nina Simone endured, never being recognized as the classical concert pianist she aspired to be. It hurts to love a craft that doesn’t reciprocate that love. I wonder if America will ever see me as I see myself – a prince rather than a pawn in the world of ballet.
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