I’ve finally joined the cool girls on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). It honestly feels like a major transformation, thanks to the efforts of mid-life activists, academics, healthcare professionals, and influencers who have revolutionized the way we perceive this stage of life. While women have always discussed the challenges of their hormones, I am particularly grateful to those brave pioneers who spoke up decades ago when the topic was less accepted. But being perimenopausal has taken on a whole new dimension.
It’s now seen as a time of empowerment – less focus on vaginal atrophy and incontinence, and more on women like Davina McCall with chiseled abs and Bridget Christie rocking biker leathers in her menopause-inspired comedy, “The Change”. There is even more media coverage on menopause, more influential women openly sharing their experiences, and inevitably, more commercialization. When even Goop starts marketing libido supplements targeting women in this phase of life, it becomes something you don’t have to hide or whisper about. I highly doubt I would have been writing about this openly five years ago, so something has definitely shifted.
As a 48-year-old woman, I have observed with a mix of admiration and a touch of envy as women around me entered their fitness peak. It has been inspiring, and it finally pushed me to take action. It was the anticipation of reading Nina Stibbe’s diaries that ultimately motivated me to seek HRT. Nina Stibbe, a writer I adore, speaks highly of HRT, claiming it cured her constant anxiety. That was all the convincing I needed. I managed to secure a GP appointment (no, not with Gwyneth Paltrow, who is probably harder to see than a British general practitioner in 2023).
And it couldn’t have come at a better time. When the doctor asked me why I was there, my anxiety-ridden brain could barely string together a coherent sentence. I mumbled something like “brain, bad she, hormone?” and stared at her with pleading eyes. Even my blood pressure was elevated due to anxiety. But I walked out with my HRT prescription.
So here I am, proudly flaunting my two tubes of Oestrogel, casually pretending they’re Chanel Les Exclusifs fragrances. This is because in recent years, supply chain issues have turned these medications into highly sought-after limited editions (while Viagra, let me check my notes, is now available over the counter). Meno-chic could definitely benefit from more stylish packaging and delivery methods (perhaps a sleek HRT vape? shots? an elegant pendant filled with snortable powder?), but even the basic pump-action tube makes me feel like I’ve embarked on an exciting new phase of life.
It’s only been two weeks, so I probably haven’t experienced the full benefits yet. I’m still waiting for Davina’s abs to make an appearance – maybe next month? Nevertheless, it’s a crucial time because for years, I’ve blamed all my anger, confusion, and irrationality on my dwindling estrogen levels. Once those are replenished, what remains is my true midlife personality. It’s time to confront the question: am I just going through menopause, or am I simply an arsehole?
Unfortunately, the initial signs are not very promising. I may be less anxious, or maybe I still think disasters are looming but just don’t care as much. However, these improvements seem to be limited to my mental state. Am I still consumed by rage over household chores? Absolutely. Has my passive-aggressive behavior regarding organizing cupboards or cleaning up lunch mess diminished? Not noticeably. Have I stopped hissing phrases like “in this house” and “Why does no one?”? Absolutely not. Do I still angrily switch off Capital FM, wondering how anyone can listen to it? Within a fraction of a second.
What’s worse is that now, when my unreasonable behavior leads to confrontations, I can no longer attribute it self-righteously to my hormones – a side effect I hadn’t anticipated. Midlife is supposed to be a period of self-discovery and reassessment, and the self I’m discovering seems to still need a lot of work. I suppose it’s just HRT, not a magical solution.
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