A woman on Reddit seeks relationship advice, exposing a prevalent issue in the medical community.
In her post on the “r/relationship_advice” subreddit, she shares her boyfriend’s ultimatum to break up with her if she continues going to therapy. The reason behind his threat becomes clear to readers.
The woman’s boyfriend wants her to quit therapy or end the relationship.
“I’m a 25-year-old woman, a 4th-year med student with excellent grades, evaluations, and board scores. People like me, and everything seems to be going well,” she wrote in her post. “I always lend an ear, uplift others, motivate them, and help those struggling, whether it’s with med school or life in general.”
However, beneath her apparent success, she admits to feeling utterly miserable. “I’ve always questioned my life, but since I started med school, things have gotten worse,” she confesses. She has turned to self-destructive behavior, including self-harm and suicidal thoughts, which prompted her to seek therapy—an action that her boyfriend strongly opposes.
Fearful of being seen as imperfect, she confesses, “I was scared that if he realized I’m not the perfect girl he thinks I am, he’ll dump me.” She eventually musters the courage to reveal her struggles and her decision to seek therapy, provoking her boyfriend’s angry response. He accuses her of exaggerating and claims that other med students experience similar emotions. He insists she quits therapy to avoid jeopardizing her career, threatening to end the relationship if she refuses.
Such words are particularly harmful to someone already battling so much, but they also shed light on the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health—an issue that continues to haunt society and the medical community.
The woman contemplates giving up therapy and managing her problems alone, but commenters overwhelmingly advise against it. “Leave him, not your therapy,” the top comment urges.
Her update reveals that he ultimately breaks up with her, emphasizing the larger issue: the stigma surrounding mental health within the medical education community.
Seeking mental health treatment remains stigmatized in the medical community.
This real-life situation afflicts countless medical students and professionals, as firsthand accounts reveal in a New York Times opinion article titled “Why So Many Doctors Treat Their Mental Health in Secret,” authored by Dr. Seema Jilani.
In a systematic review and meta-analysis published by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2015, it was found that around 29% of resident physicians experience depression or depressive symptoms. Comparatively, only 8% of Americans aged 20 or older experience depression within a two-week period.
Another alarming statistic shows that 16% of emergency physicians meet the criteria for a post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis, a number that nearly doubled for frontline physicians during the peak of the COVID pandemic.
Compared to other professions, doctors face a higher risk of suicide. It is estimated that 300 to 400 physicians die by suicide in the US annually, equating to roughly one doctor per day.
Dr. Jilani suggests that the source of this issue lies in the tremendous pressure medical students face to meet the standards imposed by regulatory boards. They must be flawless and capable of handling any challenge. They fear that disclosing any mental health issues would deem them unfit for their roles.
This woman’s boyfriend’s concern about her career reflects this underlying problem. While his behavior and the associated stigma are unacceptable, it is crucial to acknowledge the context. The solution lies in eradicating the stigma and making therapy a normalized practice for everyone, regardless of mental health status.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, help is available. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text “HELLO” to 741741 to connect with the Crisis Text Line.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.
