In the not too distant past, my friends and I were all experiencing a dry spell in our love lives. We were starting to worry that the problem lay within us. Were we no longer capable of feeling that spark of excitement? We imagined our hearts as shriveled and hardened like peach pits. However, during this time, we began using the phrase “glimmer of hope.” These glimmers appeared whenever we felt a burst of affection for someone – perhaps a friend of a friend, a bartender, or a classmate. We hoped that these crushes, which we rarely expressed to the subjects of our affection, signaled that our hearts would once again open up to love. Whenever we caught a glimpse of light at the end of our romantic slump, we would excitedly text each other: “Glimmer of hope!!!!” These glimmers helped us persevere through the seemingly endless stretch of singledom. Whether or not our crushes were reciprocated didn’t really matter. It was about the feeling – the sweet rush of hope.
Crushes may sometimes raise eyebrows. They can be seen as immature, sad, or even creepy. For those in a committed relationship, having a crush can feel like a crisis or a threat to their partner. However, an unrequited crush is not always unhealthy or unfair to the person being crushed on. In fact, it can serve a purpose beyond pursuing a romantic relationship.
Throughout history and mythology, unrequited crushes have been a common theme in fables, literature, and poetry. Greek mythology is filled with stories of unrequited love, such as the tale of Echo and Narcissus. Petrarch wrote hundreds of sonnets about a woman named Laura, whom he only glimpsed in a church service. Goethe’s novel, The Sorrows of Young Werther, became an international bestseller and influenced many writers of the Romantic era.
Many of these longing admirers of the past were portrayed as noble and dignified in their suffering. However, their stories haven’t necessarily aged well. The passion often feels dark and out of control, bordering on abusive towards the object of affection. Some of the most famous unrequited lovers, such as Petrarch and Werther, placed women on pedestals, perpetuating the objectification of women. This association has led to unrequited crushes being linked with the “objectifying male gaze.”
Even when unrequited crushes are not viewed as sinister, they can be seen as pathetic. Our society places great value on requited love, leading to the belief that being unable to win the love of someone you desire means falling short of an ideal. However, considering how common crushes are in the human experience, this shame is strange. Studies have shown that unrequited love is a common occurrence, with the average person experiencing it at least once a year. If crushes were uniformly agonizing, this statistic would be rather disheartening.
Experts, however, view crushes differently. They generally support the core theory behind our “glimmers of hope”: that feeling strongly for someone can make you feel more alive. Crushes can be a thrilling “romantic awakening” for adolescents and even adults. They provide an opportunity to explore the complexities of love and develop a deeper understanding of one’s own desires. Crushes can be fun and exciting, adding a sparkle of intrigue to everyday life. Far from causing misery, they can actually boost self-esteem.
Crushes also offer insight into what we value in others and how that reflects on our own identity. Fantasizing about a crush allows us to step out of our present reality and explore new possibilities. It’s a way to exercise our imagination, like diving into a good book that transports us to another world.
Of course, there is a fine line between a crush and excessive infatuation. When a crush becomes all-consuming, it can cloud our judgment and lead to unhealthy behavior. Clinging to any small signs of reciprocation after being rejected can be damaging, both to the person experiencing the crush and the target of their desire. However, with a little “crush management,” it’s possible to enjoy the positive aspects of a crush without letting it consume us. Strategies such as redirecting attention to our partner or focusing on the flaws of the crush can help maintain a healthy balance.
Ultimately, a crush is beautiful because it allows us to see the best in someone, even if they are flawed. It may be argued that even a casual crush is somewhat self-centered, as it involves projecting positive qualities onto someone without truly seeing their complexity. However, crushes serve a purpose in our lives. They bring excitement, self-reflection, and a touch of the unreal to our everyday experience.
Denial of responsibility! VigourTimes is an automatic aggregator of Global media. In each content, the hyperlink to the primary source is specified. All trademarks belong to their rightful owners, and all materials to their authors. For any complaint, please reach us at – [email protected]. We will take necessary action within 24 hours.
