In 2017, my wife, Julian, and I were having dinner with friends when the conversation turned to same-sex marriage. One friend naively believed that equal rights were now a given for everyone. However, we had to inform them that gay couples could only legally marry in 22 countries at the time, and that homosexuality was still criminalized in 64 countries, with 11 carrying the penalty of death.
As the topic shifted from inequality to art, I found myself pondering how we could spread awareness about these shocking statistics. I realized that knowledge is the catalyst for change, and our friends were genuinely surprised to learn that my wife and I were unable to marry in most of the world.
An idea came to me as I was scooping chocolate ice cream into bowls for dessert. Later that night, I whispered it to Julian as she slept. What if we got married in every country where it was legal for us to do so? Marriage and love seemed like the perfect starting point to raise awareness.
Julian loved the idea, and when we woke up the next morning, she was already making plans and creating a list of possibilities in a spreadsheet. We didn’t have much money, but we were willing to sell everything we had in order to make it happen. We ended up with just one suitcase each, filled with our most cherished belongings.
In 2015, we had already gotten married, but we were determined to shine a light on the countries where same-sex marriage was still forbidden. As artists, we often used our personal lives in our work, and this endeavor was no different. We were filled with bravery, enthusiasm, and, most importantly, love.
That September, we officially began 22: The Project by getting married at the Marriage Bureau in New York. The media frenzy that followed was overwhelming. Every news outlet wanted to talk to us. We became a symbol of hope and inclusivity, labeled as role models. Following that, Julian and I exchanged vows in Amsterdam, Antwerp, and Paris. But after our fourth wedding, she suddenly fell ill and was diagnosed with multiple brain tumors. Tragically, she passed away just six weeks later.
The grief I felt was crippling. Julian’s absence left me feeling helpless and lost. I walked aimlessly, feeling empty and devastated. During her illness, I had been vigilant, constantly by her side. But now, there was nothing left. All I wanted to do was retreat into bed and never emerge.
Left with only two suitcases and €125 in my bank account after her passing, I had no choice but to continue working. I channeled my pain into writing a book about Julian and our life together. Shortly thereafter, a publisher approached me with the idea of creating a children’s book about two women, Fleur and Julian, who marry in all the countries where same-sex marriage is legal. In these books, Julian doesn’t die; they gave me the opportunity to finish the project, albeit only on paper.
When we started our wedding project, there were only 22 countries where we could legally marry. As of January, that number will increase to 35. Reflecting on the project is still difficult for me because it brings back memories of happier times and a painful longing for Julian. However, I know that our visits to various countries sparked important conversations about equality. Despite the project’s unfinished state, it was a success.
It has been five and a half years since Julian’s passing, yet my passion for advocating equality continues to burn within me. I remain committed to making a difference. Perhaps one day, over a meal or dessert, a crazy new idea to raise awareness about same-sex marriage will ignite in my mind once again.
Julian by Fleur Pierets, translated by Elisabeth Khan, is published by 3TimesRebel Press (£12.99). Support the Guardian and the Observer by ordering your copy at guardianbookshop.com (delivery charges may apply).
Denial of responsibility! Vigour Times is an automatic aggregator of Global media. In each content, the hyperlink to the primary source is specified. All trademarks belong to their rightful owners, and all materials to their authors. For any complaint, please reach us at – [email protected]. We will take necessary action within 24 hours.
