I often find myself pondering happiness. What exactly is it? How can I attain more of it? But then, there are moments when I simply dismiss these thoughts and acknowledge that life is tough. Who’s to say that long-lasting happiness is even achievable? It is during these times that I find solace and appreciation in Samantha Irby’s work. Irby, a bestselling humorist and author of “Quietly Hostile,” her fifth book of essays, as well as a contributing producer on the “Sex and the City” revival, “And Just Like That,” sheds light on the tyranny of positivity.
One recurring theme in your writing is that you feel like a mess and struggle to navigate life smoothly. However, do you believe that others have it all together? I know people who seem to have their lives perfectly under control, and it only makes me feel worse about myself when I compare. My wife, for instance, is incredibly organized and has daily routines. When I observe others like her, I can’t help but wonder how I am managing the same life as them when I can’t even find my glasses or remember where I’ve placed my shoes.
From an outsider’s perspective, you are successful. Is it possible that you’re simply stuck in a specific image of yourself? Perhaps that’s true. I have never really expressed this to anyone, so here goes. I think a part of me is influenced by the fact that I have a larger body that doesn’t function as it should. I once saw someone mention that straight white men are the only group left that can be openly joked about. Fat jokes are everywhere. I always feel somewhat inferior due to my size and, additionally, my Crohn’s disease. This is why I can never truly see my accomplishments as exceptionally successful because there’s always that lingering thought of, “Yeah, but you look like that.” I don’t mean for this to sound like a plea for sympathy towards my struggle with weight; it’s just the reality! People harbor so much hatred towards those who are overweight. I haven’t quite figured out how to feel successful and coexist in a world that says, “I don’t want to sit next to you.”
How do you view the concept of happiness as a goal that everyone should strive for? In my opinion, it excludes a lot of people. It feels dismissive and unrealistic to tell those who are suffering, “Just be happy!” because it’s like asking, “Are you going to provide the circumstances and things that can make me happy?” Let me give you an example. I don’t typically go on beach vacations, but when I see people posting about their beach getaways on social media, they often exclaim, “Black people don’t travel enough! We need to explore the world!” But what if I am disabled or too poor? The idea that we should all aspire to the same goals is something that infuriates me. It only serves to make people feel worse about themselves. When you boil everything down to “be happy,” it becomes meaningless. Happiness means different things to different people, and reaching that point is often an unattainable goal. The lack of authenticity behind all the positivity propaganda really annoys me.
For further reading, you can find the full interview with Irby here.
During our conversation, Irby expressed her admiration for the comedian Paul Mooney, whose legacy is complex and has been explored by Vulture.
In addition to her books, Irby is also known for writing the beloved “Pool” episode of the TV show “Shrill,” which garnered praise for its celebratory portrayal of a “fat babe pool party.” Slate delved into the episode’s significance.
If you’re seeking a different perspective on happiness, I recommend reading my interview with Laurie Santos, a Yale professor and host of “The Happiness Lab” podcast.
Unsurprisingly, Irby’s ideal Sunday involves a touch of vinegar: “If it’s football season, I love lounging on the couch and watching all the games. I’ll tune in for the noon game, the three o’clock game, and the Sunday night game. Some might consider it an obsession.”
NEWS
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FROM OPINION
This Father’s Day, Esau McCaulley shares his journey of forgiveness toward his father, who battled addiction.
Trent Davis Bailey experienced the devastating loss of his mother in a plane crash in 1989. Only after having children of his own did he confront the pain and grief.
Maureen Dowd discusses Donald Trump and Ross Douthat explores the issue of masculine alienation in their respective columns.
Sunday’s question: Does Trump’s indictment bring good news for his primary opponents? The charges have led Republican presidential candidates to focus on whether they would pardon Trump, causing a contentious Republican primary race, according to Myra Adams of The Hill. However, if another candidate wins, Trump now has a personal stake in ensuring a Republican victory in next year’s election, writes Jason Willick for The Washington Post.
The New York Times bestseller list features Elliot Page’s memoir, “Pageboy,” debuting at number one in the hardcover nonfiction category.
THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE
On the cover: Diaries of three young women dreaming of a new Iran.
If you’re contemplating an open relationship, this sex therapist urges you to carefully consider the implications.
Discover how Yotam Ottolenghi develops new recipes.
Read the entire issue.
THE WEEK AHEAD
What to Watch For
Antony Blinken’s arrival in Beijing marks the first visit by a U.S. secretary of state to China since 2018.
Tomorrow is Juneteenth in the U.S., and financial markets will be closed.
On Wednesday, John Durham, the special counsel who investigated the Russia inquiry, will testify before lawmakers.
Wednesday also marks the first day of summer.
Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is set to visit Washington for a state visit on Thursday.
Former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro is scheduled to go on trial on Thursday for alleged election fraud.
The NBA draft takes place on Thursday.
What to Cook This Week
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