I am well-acquainted with failure. It first greeted me when I received a dismal score of three out of ten on a math quiz in seventh grade, despite my previous participation in math competitions. I encountered failure again when I did not place in an essay contest, even though I had previously won championships. By the time a media company rejected me for the second time after I secured an internship interview, failure had become a familiar companion. I have come to embrace failure because I see it as an opportunity for growth.
However, what truly breaks my heart are the missed opportunities for success. The international science programs that I am unable to afford, the colleges I cannot attend due to insufficient scholarships, the paid internship offers I must decline because of my heavy academic workload, and the leadership positions I cannot pursue because I prioritize my studies and well-being. These are the moments that truly test my resilience.
Recently, I sought advice from my college adviser regarding a global health services internship for the upcoming semester. After three interviews, I landed a paid role at a multinational company related to my major—a dream come true. Unfortunately, my packed class schedule for the next semester leaves no room for me to report to the office, even if it’s just twice a week. Such is life. While I am grateful to have received multiple interviews and the opportunity, I could sense my adviser’s concern as she carefully chose her words. When I expressed my decision to decline the offer, she visibly exhaled with relief, knowing that she had not pressured me into doing so.
It amuses me when people express surprise at my frequent use of LinkedIn. I understand that it is not typical for someone to apply to three internships in one night when bored, but that’s just who I am. I fearlessly submit applications, share my work, and reach out to professors via email. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? I am not afraid of rejection, silence, or appearing foolish. In fact, I take it as a personal challenge to face as many rejections as possible. In the best-case scenario, I earn a few victories. In the worst-case scenario, I gain valuable experience from taking a chance.
However, sometimes I grow tired of merely gaining experience. I would be lying if I claimed that I haven’t daydreamed about what life would be like if I had the means to enroll in the population health major at the Pennsylvania university or attend the science writing program in Ohio that was unfortunately canceled due to the pandemic. When I received an email confirming my acceptance into the program, only to be informed that it was canceled, my focus was more on the fact that I was accepted. I didn’t allow the disappointment to overshadow the joy of being recognized. I understand that there will always be more opportunities in the future. Yet, there will also be heavier academic workloads and busier schedules. Life will continue with its unpredictability, and the stars won’t always align.
It is disheartening when the major factors influencing my decisions are beyond my control: money, time, and distance. I am aware of what I am missing out on when I decline opportunities, but often, I have no other choice. Years ago, my high school economics teacher taught me about the concept of opportunity costs: every time I make a choice, I inevitably refuse something else. It doesn’t make me any less worthy or capable. I reframe my decisions as saying “yes” to focusing on graduating on time when I turn down an internship offer, or saying “yes” to prioritizing my well-being when I decline a leadership position. I remind myself that I am only human, and like everyone else, I have ambitious dreams and goals. I haven’t always been this brave, and there have been moments when I rejected myself before others could reject me. However, I have learned valuable lessons from my rejections, acceptances, and the acceptances I couldn’t pursue.
If it weren’t for the shots I have taken, I wouldn’t have discovered that I am capable of acceptance, that professors who I have only interacted with online are willing to write recommendations for me, and that I possess valuable skills even if they may not align with a specific role I am applying for. These experiences have taught me that no matter what happens or where I end up, I will be okay because that’s who I am. I have encountered numerous challenges, and each time, I have emerged stronger and resilient. Even in the face of heartbreak, disappointment, and adjustment, I have always managed to come out on top. Whenever I worry about the future, I find solace in this realization. It eases my apprehension about the canceled summer program, the unaffordable international university, and the internship that is incompatible with my schedule. I understand that these circumstances are beyond my control. I was good enough, but the odds were not in my favor. I am confident that something better will come along in the future, and that thought fills me with excitement.
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