Therese, a woman in her fifties, still finds her partner, Dev, irresistible. Their three-year relationship has taught her that it is when Dev is vulnerable and naked that she feels his true affection. Specifically, Therese enjoys witnessing Dev’s orgasm as it validates their connection. However, outside of the bedroom, Dev is difficult to connect with emotionally. Although he appears sunny and happy-go-lucky, he harbors deeper, more complex emotions. This reliance on sex for emotional connection concerns Therese because if Dev doesn’t initiate, she feels deeply hurt.
When Therese met Dev at the age of 47, she had recently separated from her husband of 20 years. Her previous marriage was devoid of sexual intimacy, which has made her anxious about maintaining the spark with Dev. Her ex-husband lacked sexual desire and often rejected her advances. Any attempts to address the issue were met with defensiveness, resulting in an avoidance of discussing sex throughout their 15-year marriage.
Dev’s initiation of sex typically happens in bed at night, leaving Therese feeling as though it’s an afterthought. Even her attempts to initiate intimacy, such as knocking on the shower door, are met with unresponsiveness from Dev. This constant fear of rejection fuels her desire for Dev to initiate more often, relieving the pressure on her. Fantasizing about surprise encounters during everyday activities, like doing the dishes or on the sofa, Therese longs for slow and luxurious sex. However, when Dev does initiate, it feels rushed and insignificant to her.
In an attempt to reverse psychology, Therese pretends to not be in the mood when Dev reaches for her in bed. Sometimes she even starts physical intimacy but stops abruptly, leaving Dev longing for more. This game, however, falls apart when Dev touches her, as the pleasure becomes too enticing to resist. Despite these challenges, Therese still finds Dev irresistible and craves a deeper connection with him that extends beyond the bedroom.
From Dev’s perspective, Therese is a bold and confrontational woman who lacks inhibitions. He finds it enticing to witness her express herself, especially when she stands up for herself. Although he recognizes her beauty, it’s her fearlessness and clarity that captivate him. However, when it comes to discussing sex, Therese’s boldness disappears, leaving a void in their communication.
Therese rarely asks for sex directly, relying on subtle nonverbal cues that often go unnoticed by Dev. This leads to confusion and frustration, as Therese expects Dev to interpret everyday actions, like running a bath, as hints for sex. The lack of direct communication breeds anger and resentment, as Therese keeps her disappointment to herself until much later.
Dev finds Therese incredibly attractive and enjoys spontaneous, passionate sex. However, Therese prefers patient, intentional, and tantric-inspired sex with a focus on foreplay. She wants Dev to slow down every movement, whereas he desires a more instinctual and fast-paced experience. Dev recognizes the impact of Therese’s sexless marriage on her perception of love and intimacy. He believes she equates tender, controlled sex to love and struggles to understand that passionate encounters can also express care and desire.
Dev yearns to alleviate Therese’s insecurities surrounding sex and wishes he could remove them completely. In the meantime, he strives to meet Therese’s expectations by delivering sex on her terms.
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