In September 2018, Lauren Davis Pariani and Kate Elizabeth Schatz crossed paths on a school playground where their sons had become fast friends. The two women quickly formed a deep bond during their children’s play dates, realizing they shared a unique connection. Both residing in the close-knit community of Alameda, just off Oakland, they found solace in their friendship.
“When I first met Kate, I knew she would have a profound impact on my life, although I couldn’t quite predict how,” said Ms. Pariani, who works in patient advocacy at biotechnology company Genentech. “I remember thinking, ‘I’m not alone in my experiences.'”
While Ms. Pariani was facing challenges in her marriage, the supportive friendship she found with Ms. Schatz was a lifeline. However, their conversations seemed to delve into deeper, more intimate territory than what is typically found in a “mom friendship.”
For Ms. Schatz, 44, who had a solid marriage, meeting Ms. Pariani, 43, stirred up complex emotions. Growing up in San Jose, she had a stable childhood and went on to study women’s studies and creative writing at the University of California, Santa Cruz, before pursuing an M.F.A. in literary arts at Brown University. A writer, activist, and public speaker, Ms. Schatz is the renowned author of the Rad Women book series, as well as “Do the Work: An Anti-Racist Activity Book,” co-authored with W. Kamau Bell. She had previously been in relationships with both men and women.
As their children continued to bond, the connection between Ms. Pariani and Ms. Schatz deepened. In January 2019, they embarked on a bicycle ride to a friend’s birthday celebration, and afterward, they stopped by a local bar for a drink. It was during this moment that Ms. Pariani courageously broached the question that had been lingering in both their minds: “What is happening between us?”
“I’m married, but I identify as queer,” Ms. Schatz confessed, followed by a revelation of her strong feelings for Ms. Pariani. Ms. Pariani responded directly, saying, “Me too.”
This revelation prompted Ms. Schatz to share the news with her husband, which ultimately led to the opening of their relationship. “At that time, I couldn’t fathom getting a divorce,” shared Ms. Schatz, who came from a family with nearly 50 years of marital stability.
Ms. Pariani, who grew up in a devout Christian household in Dallas and later graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a degree in art history, moved to California in 2005. As their relationship deepened into a profound love, both women grappled with the weight of the situation. In January 2020, after Ms. Pariani divorced her husband, Ms. Schatz finally acknowledged, not only to herself but also to her husband and children, that her heart and future lay solely with Ms. Pariani.
Over the next few years, the couple faced numerous challenges, including navigating the pandemic, coping with the end of their previous marriages, creating a new blended family, and enduring the loss of Ms. Pariani’s mother. Despite doubts, they quickly realized the clarity of their path.
“Kate possesses an incredible mind filled with knowledge,” Ms. Pariani acknowledged. “She has given me immense strength and made me a better and braver person.”
“Lauren is intelligent, alluring, thoughtful, and fiercely protective,” Ms. Schatz responded. “With her, I feel truly seen.”
In January 2022, Ms. Schatz initiated their journey towards marriage with a proposal. During a romantic getaway to Joshua Tree National Park, she presented a ring adorned with five sapphires, representing their family unit, to an elated Ms. Pariani. Weeks later, Ms. Pariani orchestrated an elaborate bicycle-powered scavenger hunt for Ms. Schatz. The grand finale took place at the elementary schoolyard where they had first met, where Ms. Pariani awaited with a diamond ring and their children. Another proposal followed from the children, who wore matching shirts that read, “She said yes, so did she.”
On June 22, the couple exchanged vows at Boon Hotel + Spa in Guerneville, California. Julia Mayer, a friend and Universal Life minister, officiated the ceremony, which was attended by 100 guests. Standing amidst the redwood trees, the women stood before an inverted triangle adorned with vibrant flowers and recited deeply personal and politically resonant vows, paying homage to the struggle for same-sex marriage and the ongoing challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community. An empty chair adorned with marigolds stood in tribute to Ms. Pariani’s late mother.
During the ceremony, the guests vocally expressed their support for the marriage and the “protection of queer unions.” Afterward, celebrants danced until the community’s noise curfew silenced the music. However, they spontaneously erupted into a singalong of “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.”
“I always wanted to grow up to be a lesbian,” Ms. Schatz joked. “But it took me some time to get there.”
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