Dear reader,
Like many others, I have also received invitations to destination weddings. I accepted one and declined another, with the deciding factor being the appeal of the destination itself.
Personally, I don’t believe there is an obligation to accept a destination wedding invitation. The bride and groom typically understand that not everyone they invite will be able to attend.
In fact, I suspect that the destination of the wedding I declined was chosen specifically to attract certain guests while discouraging others. Everyone made the choices that were right for them, resulting in the desired wedding atmosphere.
The obligation to invite distant relatives with whom you have little in common can be just as challenging as grappling with the sense of obligation to attend. However, if you feel inclined to support your relative, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your entire family has to attend.
If other members of your family have prior commitments such as work or school trips, perhaps you could still attend alone.
I admire your organizational skills in planning your budget for 2024, including tax bills, school terms, holidays, work schedules, and income projections. However, many others may have more flexibility in their schedules and commitments. As a chartered financial planner, I recognize the inherent discomfort that comes with the need to be spontaneous.
Perhaps reframing this destination wedding as an opportunity for adventure, rather than a disruption to your routine, might help. Is there something about the destination that intrigues you? Embracing the chance to explore new places could be invigorating.
Alternatively, you could suggest to the newlyweds that they hold a celebration of their marriage with family in the UK, while still marrying in their chosen location. With your excellent planning skills, you could offer to help organize this event. By declining the wedding invitation but proposing an alternative, you could find a compromise that satisfies both parties.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below and we’ll feature the best responses. Feel free to email us, in confidence, with your own questions for Moral Money: [email protected]
Last week’s Moral Money question was: “My 69-year-old dad has a much younger fiancée – should I be worried about my inheritance?”
Here are some noteworthy comments:
Ian Wheaton:
If he hadn’t met his new partner, he could have left everything to cancer research or an animal sanctuary. Alternatively, he may have needed to sell his home to fund his care in old age. The assumption that his children would inherit everything is premature. Being 70 is not the end of life, and young people need to understand that.
David MacDonald:
As a retired engineer, I know that a will becomes invalid upon marriage, unless specifically made in anticipation of the marriage. Therefore, unless the dad creates a new will after his second marriage or has already done so, he will die intestate. It would be wise to draw this matter to his attention.
More broadly, there isn’t a significant age difference between a 69-year-old man and a 54-year-old woman. The dad may live for another 20 years or more. He was faithful to his late wife for the duration of their marriage, and his children should be happy for him that he has found a new companion. They should let go of any expectations of inheriting and focus on managing their own affairs.
Herts Lady:
For those who argue that children have no right to their mother’s money, it’s important to remember that it was indeed their mother’s money, not the new wife’s. Additionally, when aging parents are involved, it is crucial to ensure they are not being taken advantage of financially. This happens more often than one might think, and the person doing the exploiting may appear kind and caring. However, it’s worth considering that the new wife may be providing care and support, which deserves recognition.
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