Channel 4 comedians, like Ian Smith, have a knack for insulting the things that make life enjoyable. According to Smith, Switzerland is just a “mountainous land full of banks where old people can go and legally kill themselves.” Quite the charming description! However, it’s possible that Smith, a native of Goole in Humberside, is just envious of Switzerland’s consistent ranking as the best country in the world.
But let’s not reduce Switzerland to its stereotypical image of chocolate, cheese, and punctual trains. While the trains do run on time, connections can be as complex as traveling from Aberdeen to Penzance. My journey from Zurich airport to the car-free Alpine village of Murren required three trains, and sometimes it can be up to six, according to the timetable.
However, once you’re surrounded by the pristine air of the Jungfrau region, worries about transportation fade away. Murren, much like Lopud, Herm, and Venice, is one of the few places in the world that is intentionally car-free. It even boasts a delightful funicular. The cliched imagery of Switzerland, reminiscent of Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music,” may be overused, but it still evokes a sense of wonder. The hills truly are alive with the sound of cowbells and the fragrance of wild thyme. It’s a floral paradise. During my June visit, I counted over 200 species of wildflowers, and my horticulturalist friend Non Morris ticked off countless more as she researched her book on Alpine flowers. Nature’s generosity knows no bounds.
But it’s not just natural beauty that attracts tourists. Switzerland’s ingenuity also plays a significant role. Despite having never seen a James Bond film, I had to be persuaded to visit Piz Gloria, the mountaintop restaurant where “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” was filmed in 1969. The roundtrip cable car fare of 85.60 Swiss francs (£75) seemed steep, much like the climb to the 2,970m (9,744ft) summit. However, with Bond movies raking in a total of £7.1 billion at the box office, it’s evident that the attraction is massive. The gondola to the top was as packed as Daniel Craig’s swimsuit.
Once at Piz Gloria, you can indulge in year-round snowball fights, visit a Bond museum with a simulated stunt helicopter, learn about Diana Rigg’s on-set antics, and even watch footage of Joanna Lumley as one of Blofeld’s Angels of Death. And let’s not forget the all-you-can-eat buffet lunch, paired with unlimited Prosecco, for 37 Swiss francs (£32) in a revolving room. The toilets are also worth a mention, with signs above the urinals that say “Aim like James!” and “Shake, don’t stir!” No wonder they won the 2018 International Toilet Tourism Awards.
Speaking of tourists, what’s the deal with American visitors flocking to the Alps? Is it their fascination with towering mountains or the favorable exchange rate? Probably both. Unfortunately, not all American tourists display good manners. One particular individual became furious when I mentioned that his young children should not be in the hotel sauna according to the rules. He even threatened to hit me with a sauna bucket wooden ladle. Thankfully, the Swiss hotel staff acted as international peacekeepers, diffusing the situation. Hotel Eiger in Murren, a family-run establishment, embodies the friendliness and reliability you expect from John Lewis. They even organized a surprise birthday dinner for me after noticing my birthdate on my passport.
In the neighboring village of Gimmelwald, there’s an honesty shop that takes trust to the next level. Aptly named, the Swiss Honesty Shop operates on a pay-as-you-go basis and proudly calls itself the “home of positive statements.” Visitors leave notes stating that their faith in humanity has been restored. Next door, the bar offers a unique dark lager called Black Monk, which can rival any brew in Dublin. Plus, the farmsteads in Gimmelwald, with their 17th-century appearance and hand-harvested hay due to the steep slopes, add to the mountain’s charm.
When it comes to food, Switzerland offers more than just raclette and fondue. Hotel Eiger serves a mouthwatering Asian-style beef fillet with okra and mushrooms in a green curry coconut sauce, while Hotel Barren in Wengen, situated at a lower altitude, offers pike with nettle sauce, strawberry risotto, and watercress cappuccino.
The Jungfrau region is also renowned for winter sports. Murren features captivating photographs of the Anglo-Swiss ski team from 1924, sporting bow ties, berets, and no gloves. The upcoming construction of the world’s steepest cable car between Stechelberg and Murren will allow even more people to experience the 159-day winter sports season. The cable car will be able to transport 800 people per hour and costs €102 million (£87 million) to build. Electric excavators have been used due to diesel machines struggling in the thin air.
As expected from the Swiss, everything runs like clockwork. The country excels in every aspect, making it a joy to experience. It’s like witnessing a Roger Federer backhand in action.
To experience the wonders of Switzerland, consider staying at Hotel Eiger in Murren, where double rooms start at CHF330 (£298) per night. Additionally, they offer packages starting from CHF1215pp (£1,096), which include a seven-night stay, a trip up Schilthorn, and a one-hour massage. For more travel information, visit myswitzerland.com, and for resort information, check out muerren.swiss.
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