A student’s journey of self-discovery: Exploring sexuality and gender identity
October 11th marks National Coming Out Day, an annual celebration of LGBTQIA+ individuals who are out, in the process of coming out, not ready to come out, or unable to do so. This year, I reflect on the ongoing journey of discovering and embracing my true self rather than celebrating specific milestones like being publicly out as bisexual for two years or changing my pronouns to she/they a year ago.
As I started college at St. Joe’s in the fall of 2020, I identified as a cisgender, heterosexual woman. I adhered to societal beauty standards, meticulously styling my hair with a flat iron, never going a day without mascara, and adorning myself with shirts covered in flowers and butterflies. I would squeeze into clothes that were too small, striving to present myself in a way I believed would be attractive to men. However, as time passed, and I adapted to living independently during the Covid-19 pandemic, I couldn’t ignore the feeling that something was amiss.
The realization of my attraction to women led me to question whether my previous relationships with men were genuine or merely an attempt to emulate them. I embarked on an extensive online exploration of bisexuality, encountering the myths and stereotypes surrounding bisexual individuals along the way. As I began accepting my true identity, I also confronted the discrimination I knew I would face when revealing this newfound understanding to my family and friends.
Every time I mustered the courage to tell someone in my life, “Can I tell you something?” my body quivered like the ground during an earthquake. With each proclamation of “I’m bisexual,” my belief in my identity grew stronger. Yet, I realized that coming out is not merely a fleeting moment of sharing my sexuality; it’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery that allows the younger version of myself to explore uncharted territories. It involves dismantling stereotypes, embracing LGBTQ spaces, and recognizing that it is not always my responsibility to educate others about their homophobia. Coming out prompted me to question other aspects of my identity, including my gender.
So, as I celebrate this year’s National Coming Out Day on October 11th, I do so by donning striped, oversized t-shirts, thrifted corduroy pants a few sizes too big, cuffed jeans, and high tops. I embrace the process of becoming comfortable in my own skin. I celebrate not only the label that defines my identity but also the arduous journey I undertook to claim it as my own. I honor all the queer individuals who came before me, as they paved the way for me to be authentically myself, and I acknowledge all those who will follow in our footsteps.
Today, I celebrate myself—an individual who identifies as genderqueer and bisexual—as I enter my final year of college. It’s a person I could never have imagined becoming three years ago when I first arrived at St. Joe’s. Remember, regardless of where you are in your own journey of self-discovery, National Coming Out Day is a day for you.
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