Maya Jama and Stormzy caused quite a stir when they made their first public appearance together since their split four years ago, confirming that their relationship is back on. However, this has sparked the age-old question of whether getting back with an ex is a good idea. While some celebrity couples, like Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, have successfully reignited their romance, others, such as Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, have not been as fortunate. So, what does it take to rekindle love after heartbreak? To find out, MailOnline spoke with psychologist Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley.
When considering getting back with an ex-partner, there are several factors to consider. Dr. Goddard-Crawley suggests examining attachment styles, communication and conflict resolution skills, motivations for reuniting, personal growth, external influences, long-term goals, trust, forgiveness, resilience, coping mechanisms, and self-care. By exploring these patterns in the relationship, one can determine if getting back together is a healthy choice.
There are four attachment styles to be aware of: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant. The ideal attachment style is secure, characterized by trust, acceptance, and intimacy. The other three styles present their own challenges, with anxious attachment linked to abandonment fears, avoidant attachment linked to issues with intimacy, and fearful avoidant attachment being a combination of both.
Awareness of one’s attachment style and personal vulnerabilities is crucial to avoid repeating past mistakes. Additionally, reflecting on personal boundaries and motivations for reconciling can provide clarity. It’s important to consider if the desire to reunite stems from a genuine willingness to work on the relationship or external influences. Personal growth as an individual can greatly impact a relationship positively by increasing self-awareness and emotional maturity.
Differentiating between love and loneliness can be difficult. Recognizing personal values and what one desires in a partner can help determine if a relationship is suitable. Loneliness often leads to strong emotional reactions, making it challenging to think rationally about potential partners. True desire to be with someone is typically consistent and stable, grounded in emotional maturity and the ability to contribute positively to a relationship.
Ultimately, deciding whether to get back with an ex depends on individual circumstances and growth. Dr. Goddard-Crawley applauds the reconciliation between Maya Jama and Stormzy as it reflects the complexity of human relationships and the potential for personal growth and change. Choosing to reunite can signify a willingness to address underlying issues, work towards understanding and resolution, and highlight the power of forgiveness and personal evolution.
To further guide individuals considering getting back with an ex-partner, psychologist Anna Sergent provides seven additional questions to ask oneself: reasons for the breakup, the motivation for reconciling, willingness to put effort into rebuilding, the overall health of the decision, alignment of future plans, ability to set boundaries and address triggers, and the presence of trust and healthy communication in the relationship.
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