A few years ago, Sara Zeljkovic, a 25-year-old living in Toronto, embarked on a journey to establish her presence on TikTok and Instagram. She believed that having a larger number of followers would be beneficial. Ms. Zeljkovic, who had recently ended an eight-year relationship, began sharing more content, primarily centered around beauty and travel. As a result, she gained traction and accumulated around 14,000 followers on TikTok and 5,000 followers on Instagram. However, her follower count started to have an unexpected impact on her dating life.
During a conversation with a man over drinks, he expressed concern about her follower count, considering it to be a red flag. This comment caught her off guard and left her stunned. It made her wonder how having a career that requires a significant online presence affects a woman’s dating prospects. Is there a particular type of man who finds a large follower count to be a deal breaker? These questions raised concerns for Ms. Zeljkovic.
Having a substantial following on platforms like Instagram and TikTok can come with certain advantages, such as internet fame, free products, and sponsored trips. It’s no surprise that a Morning Consult report revealed that approximately 54% of young Americans expressed their desire to become influencers if given the opportunity. Moreover, almost 90% of respondents were willing to post sponsored content for monetary gain.
Just as some women may be turned off by the idea of dating a “podcast bro,” there are men who share similar reservations about women with public online platforms. The reasons for this attitude vary among men. Some feel insecure, worried that a woman with a significant following may have other admirers sliding into her DMs. Others value their privacy and prefer not to have their personal lives constantly shared for public consumption.
Tyrese Dominique, a social media manager in Boston, understands this perspective. While he personally has no issue dating a woman with a substantial following, he sympathizes with his friends who do. He believes that if someone is unable to handle their own insecurities, it’s best for them not to pursue a relationship that might be impacted by those insecurities.
After receiving several negative comments from men about her Instagram followers, Ms. Zeljkovic decided to trim her following and make her profile private. She reached a breaking point after one encounter where a man became intimidated by her follower count, claiming she was “too big time” for him. Similarly, Christina Mantas, a community outreach coordinator, faced challenges with her 4,000+ Instagram followers while dating. Some men expected her to publicly acknowledge their dates, while others were afraid to be featured on her Instagram page.
On the dating app Hinge, Ms. Mantas encountered a man who explicitly stated that he was seeking a woman with 1,000 or fewer Instagram followers. Another man expressed concern about not being able to meet her standards due to her frequent travels and food-related content. These instances further exemplify the impact social media following can have on relationships.
Shari DuBois, a rapper and songwriter in Philadelphia, has avoided potential problems by refraining from sharing her Instagram or TikTok profiles with new dating prospects. She learned from past experiences where social media became a contentious issue in her relationships. By delaying the exchange of social media information, she allows potential partners to know her without any preconceptions. While some assume she receives numerous thirsty direct messages, Ms. DuBois clarifies that it is not the case. Additionally, she admits to preferring a partner with a smaller following, appreciating her ex-boyfriend for having only 200 followers.
Ms. DuBois acknowledges that she holds certain assumptions about men with high social media followings, similar to the assumptions they might have about her. Meanwhile, Ms. Zeljkovic, who is currently in Serbia, has started to monetize her TikTok content while keeping it public. She occasionally feels regret for making her Instagram private and reducing her following count, considering the possibility of reversing those decisions in the future.
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