Have you ever experienced moments in your life when you feel you can handle anything life throws at you? We call these moments “windows of tolerance” and they can shrink or expand depending on our needs. But for women, especially those going through midlife, these windows of tolerance can suddenly disappear. It’s a frustrating conundrum: you’d expect that with age and experience, our ability to cope with stress would increase. But for many midlife women, even small stressors become overwhelming, and our ability to cope seems to disappear overnight.
This phenomenon is often inexplicable, and it’s not talked about enough. As a woman in my 50s and co-host of the Postcards from Midlife podcast and author of What’s Wrong With Me? 101 Things Midlife Women Need to Know, I’ve interviewed many women who have experienced the same thing. It’s a surprising and distressing time, as it shakes our sense of identity and can make us question how we want to live our lives.
Experts say that this phenomenon starts with the perimenopause, which is the 10-year period before menopause that typically starts around age 51 in the UK. During this time, hormone levels fluctuate and decline. Oestrogen, like petrol for the female body, affects us everywhere, ensuring we function well. But as we age, oestrogen fluctuates and dips, causing more than 40 perimenopause symptoms such as insomnia, depression, tinnitus, and aching joints. Losing oestrogen from our brain scrambles our neurology, affecting the neurotransmitter serotonin, which regulates mood. The decrease in the hormone progesterone is known to specifically affect our sleep patterns, which affects our health and can exacerbate the symptoms of perimenopause.
As someone who experienced this myself, I found relief with hormone replacement therapy, but I also learned how important it is for women to manage stress as they age. This means developing coping strategies, learning to say no to things, and recognizing that our windows of tolerance may narrow. Whether you’re a midlife woman or not, taking control of stress and developing healthy coping mechanisms are crucial for our mental and physical health, especially as we age.
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