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Q: My 5-year-old son was expelled from his preschool earlier this year for behavioral issues. (Notably, it happened after I complained about an adult male caregiver showing unusual interest in him and asking me to send personal information about my child after he entered public school.) My spouse and I had our child evaluated by an occupational therapist who said he was a very bright child who gets bored easily. She had no concerns about him or his behavior.
At his next preschool, my son did fine. However, at graduation in May, his teacher — who taught public school for 30 years before transitioning to preschool — told us she worried he might be on the spectrum. She said he became easily frustrated with himself and others; more worryingly, she said he gravitated toward the older kids (specifically fifth graders. It was a private pre-K through 5 school), especially the ones who would get him into trouble. She did emphasize my son is very intelligent and a good kid; she is just concerned his kindergarten teacher may not have patience with him.
My son is entering kindergarten in August. We are incredibly worried about him. We don’t want him in trouble or worse, kicked out of school (a friend’s grandchild was kicked out of the same kindergarten our son will attend). Our pediatrician hasn’t been much help. What do we do?
A: Thank you for reaching out; you have been through a difficult time with your son. I understand your concerns about the possibility of him being expelled again in the future, but the circumstances surrounding his previous expulsion are troubling and may warrant contacting the appropriate authorities. It is not acceptable for an adult caregiver to show inappropriate interest in a student and then expel the child when questioned.
You have already taken the important step of consulting with an occupational therapist, which is commendable. Occupational therapists specialize in helping children with various everyday activities and situations, addressing their physical, cognitive, and sensory needs. However, it is important to note that an occupational therapist does not diagnose conditions like autism or giftedness. It would be beneficial to consult with a developmental pediatrician or a children’s neuropsychiatrist for a comprehensive evaluation and understanding of your son’s situation.
While seeking further professional opinions, it is also crucial to delve deeper into the developmental needs of a 5-year-old. A child’s behavior can vary greatly depending on their age and stage of development. Understanding what is developmentally typical and what might require additional attention can provide clarity. Additionally, exploring developmental resources specific to your son’s age can provide valuable insights.
Regarding his teacher’s concerns, it is important to take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Your son’s intelligence, frustration, and gravitation towards older children may be indicative of immature development rather than misbehavior. It is crucial to recognize and support his coping skills rather than trying to “fix” him. A comprehensive neuropsychological test can provide more information about his abilities and potential areas of support, including the possibility of him being gifted or twice exceptional.
In order to create a positive and safe environment for your son, it may be beneficial to involve him in activities or groups that include multi-aged children. This way, he can socialize with older children under the supervision of adults and within a structured setting, such as martial arts, Boy Scouts, or multi-aged sports teams.
It is also essential for the upcoming school environment and his teachers to understand and appreciate that your son is still developing and may require compassion and a predictable kindergarten experience to enhance his self-regulation skills. A teacher who is patient and knowledgeable about these developmental fluctuations can greatly contribute to his growth and well-being during the early academic years.
Instead of solely relying on diagnoses and behavior plans, it is important for all the adults in your son’s life to come together and support his emotional regulation and skill development. Exploring approaches like Ross Greene’s Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model can guide you in fostering loving and supportive communication with your son. Have confidence in his ability to not only get through this year but also to thrive and grow. Collaborating with the adults involved in his life will contribute to his success. Best of luck.
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