James and Kathryn embarked on a road trip to Gretna Green the day prior to their 2021 wedding, in an old Seat Leon. As Kathryn was getting her hair done on the wedding day, James explored the local football club’s grounds. Their witnesses included a photographer and a fortuitously present individual who happened to be enjoying a cup of tea at the venue. The ceremony, along with photographs, lasted about 45 minutes, after which they all went for a pint. Following that, they headed to Carlisle to tackle an escape room, with Kathryn still dressed in her wedding gown, which left the attendant quite bemused. They managed to solve the room’s puzzles with only one second to spare, proudly carrying a ticket displaying the time: 59:59. This accomplishment also marked their first marital dispute, as Kathryn and James disagreed on the best method of escape.
Forget about the concept of a micro-wedding, defined as one with fewer than 50 attendees. Instead, delve into the realm of the micro-micro wedding, characterized by just the couple or a select few guests. The ability to have a disagreement on your special day is just one of the many advantages that drive this emerging trend. Another frequently cited benefit is the freedom from engaging with the overwhelming wedding industry. Matthew, 35, who tied the knot with Jo, 30, in May 2022, expressed their dissatisfaction with the exorbitant prices associated with the industry, stating, “The ridiculous overpricing… it didn’t feel like us.” Their wedding consisted of only their parents, a sister, and an aunt, totaling six guests.
Although these intimate celebrations may not attract attention at wedding expos or industry statistics, wedding officiants have taken notice. In Gretna Green, for example, they have observed a 20% increase in elopements since the Covid-19 pandemic, with half of all weddings now consisting solely of the couple and two witnesses. Ginny Collins, a 48-year-old humanist celebrant, once conducted a wedding with only two individuals and a photographer. The person responsible for holding the champagne tray even double as a witness. Although the couple had put immense effort into describing their love for each other and had chosen poems to be read, they did express some regret at not having their friends present.
Micro-micro weddings are not a new concept born out of the pandemic or a living cost crisis. Such weddings have existed in secret for ages, often associated with beatniks, introverts, and divorcees in the 70s, 80s, and possibly even the 90s. Marriage used to carry more burdens, serving as an important institution to reject in order to challenge the patriarchy and gain tax benefits. Karl Young, who married 37 years ago, recalls that he only did so to secure married-student accommodation as a graduate student in California. His witnesses were the justice of the peace and his secretary, and they even performed the marriage before the blood test results had dried (blood tests were a requirement for marriage until 2019 in the US, stemming from the Venereal Disease Control Act).
Young reflects, “Neither of us seemed to have any regrets. Her parents were not very happy. My mother was a liberated woman and she didn’t really care.” John and Linda, married for 43 years, wished to avoid a repeat of their first weddings, which were extravagant affairs. John recalls, “Everyone was dressed up in tuxedos, in fancy dress. I wasn’t brought up in the church, so the whole ceremony was very unnerving for me. Plus, I was very hungover.” George, 50, and Melanie, 51, had four guests, one of whom was their first child, when they got married 24 years ago. George shares, “My maternal uncle did the same thing in the late 60s, and he was practically disowned by everybody.” However, their families knew they intended to have an intimate celebration. Melanie had a strong aversion to being the center of attention, and while she would have proceeded with a traditional wedding, she would have detested it.
Today, individuals who object to the traditional wedding institution are more likely to opt out altogether. The modern micro-micro marriage enthusiasts have critically examined the wedding industry and concluded that while they appreciate the concept of marriage, they want a more meaningful and personalized experience. With the wedding industry valued at £14.7 billion in the UK, it’s evident that a substantial portion of this market involves high prices. Alexis, who married Mike in Las Vegas in 2012, recalls the exorbitant prices she encountered when looking at venues. The moment she mentioned wanting to host a wedding, the costs doubled or tripled, making it seem astronomically wasteful. The notion of love conquering financial concerns is overshadowed when considering the extravagant prices.
For Jo and Matthew, the decision to have a small civil partnership stemmed from their desire for privacy and authenticity in their vows. They felt no pressure or need for grandeur, as it was an intimate gathering with only their closest family. Furthermore, with just eight attendees, they were able to indulge in superior cuisine, opting for a meal at the prestigious Kitchin in Leith. Imagining the cost if the same meal were served at a traditional wedding venue is enough to give anyone pause.
Andrew Copson, the CEO of Humanists UK, notes that as people have come to realize that meaningfulness doesn’t depend on size, couples are increasingly focusing on the ceremony’s significance rather than the extravagant spectacle associated with larger weddings. Rituals like “ring-warming,” where the wedding ring is passed among guests, or “hand-clasping,” where ribbons are wrapped around guests’ hands to symbolize their investment in the union, are emphasized in these intimate celebrations. With a smaller guest list, couples often have the flexibility to incorporate more unconventional or pagan elements into their ceremonies. However, it’s worth noting that sometimes even larger weddings can incorporate unique rituals, such as one where guests ceremoniously stomped on a plank together.
In Scotland and Northern Ireland, a Humanist celebrant has the authority to perform marriage ceremonies, while in England and Wales, a registrar is still required alongside a Humanist celebrant. The British Humanists UK organization is currently advocating for a change to this requirement. In theory, this could open up the possibility of an ultra-minimal guest list, with a close friend acting as both celebrant and photographer. This raises intriguing philosophical questions about the nature of marriage and its validity when witnessed by only a few individuals.
Alexis, a makeup artist who has worked on numerous weddings, acknowledges that weddings can be stressful occasions, even for extroverts. The choreography and bustling atmosphere can be overwhelming. In contrast, those who opt for micro-micro weddings never describe their special day as a blur. Carole Anne, who now resides in Sydney, got married in Camden Town Hall, London, nearly a decade ago when same-sex marriage was legalized in the UK. She recalls how they approached witnesses just a day before the ceremony, selecting two of her partner’s friends. This small-scale wedding holds just as much importance for Carole Anne and her wife as if hundreds of people had attended.
This type of intimate celebration can place unique expectations on the chosen witnesses, particularly if there are only two of them. Adam and his husband initially planned for a large wedding but ultimately settled for two close friends due to the limitations imposed by the Covid-19 pandemic. Adam remarks, “We were still able to go to the pub beforehand – it wasn’t super lockdown. It is in my mind that it was during Covid, but it doesn’t make me feel bad.” Despite feeling guilty about the limited guest list, Adam and his husband made extra efforts to ensure their wedding was incredibly special.
The micro-micro wedding trend challenges the notion that a wedding must be grand and extravagant to be meaningful. Couples are increasingly prioritizing authenticity, privacy, and personalized experiences over the pomp and circumstance associated with larger weddings. Furthermore, these intimate celebrations offer couples the opportunity to escape the exorbitant prices often associated with the wedding industry. As society evolves, so do our definitions and expectations of what a wedding should be, and micro-micro weddings are shining examples of this shift towards more personalized and meaningful experiences.
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