Jade, 53
I’m very lucky in that I find it almost easier to climax as I get older
Tim and I were very active in our 20s, but our sexual encounters have become less frantic as we’ve gotten older. In the beginning, I used to go to great lengths to impress him in bed, contorting my body in complex ways. But now, at the age of 53, I approach intimacy with a more lighthearted attitude. I no longer feel the need to strike a pose or hide my imperfections from Tim.
Over the past decade, Tim’s desire for sex has decreased slightly, which I’ve accepted and adjusted to. He also faces challenges in achieving orgasm, which has always been the case but has become more noticeable with age. There was a period of about eight months when Tim completely lost interest in sex, but I understood it wasn’t personal as he was on medication with a side effect of decreased libido.
During that time, Tim continued to show love and affection for me in non-sexual ways, so it didn’t create any distance between us. However, there were moments where I felt like I was pressuring him into sex, which made me uncomfortable.
During that challenging period, we had honest conversations about how to adapt our sex life to Tim’s reduced libido. Together, we decided to reserve sex for weekend mornings when we both have more focus and energy. It still feels a bit odd to sleep next to Tim every night without engaging in sexual activity, but I’m getting used to it. Lazy morning sex has its own unique charm.
We’ve also become more open-minded about what constitutes sex for us. It’s not necessary for Tim to have an orgasm every time for it to feel complete. I feel fortunate that I find it easier to climax as I age, and Tim never makes me feel guilty about that. In fact, we’re more honest about what truly pleases us now. Tim recently gave me feedback that I’m not great at giving hand-jobs. The beauty of being together for 30 years is that we can receive criticism like that without feeling ashamed.
Tim, 55
The experience of climaxing can make me feel out of control
Contrary to the stereotype of men climaxing too quickly, I often struggle to let myself fully surrender to orgasm. The intense sensations can sometimes make me feel overwhelmed and exposed. It’s not a constant issue, and most of the time both Jade and I reach climax. But there are moments where I mentally block myself from reaching that point, worrying that it’s taking too long and Jade might be getting bored. These thoughts only make it more difficult for me to orgasm.
I’ve become better at communicating with Jade when I don’t feel an orgasm is possible. One advantage of growing older is that I’ve become more outspoken. I understand that neither Jade nor I can read each other’s minds during sex, so we talk and give each other feedback. Jade asks me how close I am, and if the answer is “nowhere near,” she’s not offended and continues to enjoy herself. Knowing she isn’t waiting for me to climax takes the pressure off.
A few years ago, we went through a difficult period when I lost interest in sex due to medication I was taking. It was tough for both of us, and I felt terrible that Jade had to go without. Thankfully, my libido has returned, although I’m not as eager as I was in my 20s.
Since retiring a few months ago, we’ve started planning luxurious afternoons in bed together. It’s wonderful to be
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