As part of an ongoing effort to ensure that future Supreme Court justices adhere to the same ethical standards as the current members, it is mandatory that you complete the following ethics questionnaire. Please be aware that all scenarios described are completely hypothetical.
A billionaire entrepreneur invites you and your spouse on an all-expenses-paid luxury trip to Machu Picchu. The entrepreneur currently has a case pending before the court. What would you do in this situation?
A) Accept the offer, but only if free airport transfers are provided;
B) Accept the offer and direct your clerks to research “101 Fun Things to Do in Machu Picchu” while on the trip;
C) Politely decline the invitation due to a conflicting all-expenses-paid trip offered by another billionaire;
D) Any of the above;
E) None of the above.
A billionaire entrepreneur contacts you with an offer to buy your mother’s home, renovate it, and allow her to live there rent-free. The entrepreneur currently has a case pending before the court. What would you do in this situation?
A) Interrupt the entrepreneur and enthusiastically agree to the offer;
B) Keep the entrepreneur engaged in conversation while discreetly checking the house’s value on Zillow;
C) Accept the offer and arrange a meeting to discuss kitchen cabinet and backsplash options;
D) Any of the above;
E) None of the above.
A billionaire entrepreneur sends you an email offering to cover your nephew’s college expenses. The entrepreneur currently has a case pending before the court. What would you do in this situation?
A) Graciously accept, ensuring that your nephew’s selection was not based on race;
B) Graciously accept, but specify in writing that housing, books, and lab fees are included;
C) Graciously accept and casually mention that your nephew has a college-age cousin;
D) Any of the above;
E) None of the above.
A billionaire entrepreneur calls and offers your spouse a consulting job at one of his companies, with a salary of $250,000 per year. The entrepreneur currently has a case pending before the court. What would you do in this situation?
A) Confirm that the position is part-time, considering your spouse’s existing consulting commitments;
B) Agree to the offer, but make sure paid vacation is included as you have a planned trip to Machu Picchu;
C) Accept the offer but inquire if there is a possibility of indirect payment for the consulting job;
D) Any of the above;
E) None of the above.
Approximately 25 years ago, you desired a luxury RV worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Due to your low federal employee salary, a billionaire entrepreneur offered to loan you the money. The press has recently uncovered this information and is demanding answers: “What were the terms of the loan agreement? Did you fully repay it? Why was this favorable deal not disclosed on your financial forms?” What would you do in this situation?
A) Pretend to ignore the press inquiries by claiming you were on vacation touring Walmart parking lots in your RV;
B) Label the questions as nothing more than a “high-tech lynching” and refuse to cooperate with the reporters;
C) Explain that you don’t have time to respond because you are busy preparing a speech for the Federalist Society titled “Why the Supreme Court Doesn’t Need an Ethics Code”;
D) Any of the above;
E) None of the above.
If you answered anything other than “E” for any of the questions, congratulations! You will be a valuable addition to the Roberts Supreme Court. We look forward to your induction at the lifelong swearing-in ceremony.
John Ficarra of New York City is a retired editor of MAD Magazine.
Denial of responsibility! Vigour Times is an automatic aggregator of Global media. In each content, the hyperlink to the primary source is specified. All trademarks belong to their rightful owners, and all materials to their authors. For any complaint, please reach us at – [email protected]. We will take necessary action within 24 hours.
