When it comes to seeking out a psychologist, most individuals are not looking for guidance when their life is going well. Instead, they reach out because they’re experiencing pain and distress.
There are numerous reasons why people may seek therapy, whether it’s due to relationships with narcissists, the challenges of parenthood, infidelity, addiction concerns, unresolved childhood trauma, or facing a divorce. The list of stressors that bring individuals into psychotherapy is extensive.
Signs That Therapy is Making Progress
As a psychologist, I’m frequently asked how someone can tell if therapy is helping them. The answers may surprise you, as they tend to be subtle and may sneak up on you.
Here are seven subtle indicators that demonstrate personal growth:
1. Saying “No” Without Guilt
Rachel, a mother of two young children, strived to provide them with the warm and loving childhood she never experienced. It came as a shock when she realized she could say “NO” without negative consequences. She discovered that setting limits didn’t harm her children, and she began to apply this boundary-setting with the adults in her life, which brought her great satisfaction.
2. Breaking Free from Emotional Eating
As you become mentally healthier, you’ll likely notice a decreased desire for comfort foods such as chocolate, spaghetti, french fries, or excessive alcohol. This is because you’re less likely to resort to stress eating and drinking when you have healthier coping mechanisms. Melissa, a 30-year-old who sought therapy for dealing with parental alcoholism, experienced weight loss as she developed self-compassion and ceased using carbs as a source of comfort.
3. Losing Interest in Drama-Filled Friendships
You may find that certain friendships become monotonous and predictable, leaving you yearning for more excitement and personal growth. Gabrielle, frustrated by her friends’ inclination for negativity and insulting behavior, desired companionship with individuals who shared her interests and encouraged growth.
4. Recognizing Relationship Red Flags
It’s crucial to pay attention to your feelings towards your current romantic partner. As you grow personally, you may realize that the relationship lacks excitement or becomes emotionally exhausting. Maddie came to the realization that her boyfriend’s constant drama and self-centeredness didn’t align with her values. She began to desire a partner who showed genuine interest in her well-being.
5. Increased Discontent with Work
As you develop a stronger sense of self, you may become more aware of aspects of your job that you dislike. This dissatisfaction may motivate you to speak up or explore new career opportunities that align better with your values and lifestyle. Don, who initially sought therapy to salvage his marriage after an affair, discovered that focusing on his needs extended to his professional life, prompting him to consider alternative job prospects.
6. Creating Space for a Pet in Your Life
Thoughts of adopting a pet may start to enter your mind as you embrace personal growth. Perhaps you find yourself continuously seeing the same dog’s face on local shelter advertisements. Karen, feeling lonely and depressed, found solace in the idea of a furry companion who desired her presence. Despite concerns from friends about the potential restrictions, Karen decided to prioritize her own well-being and hired a dog-walker.
7. Improved Body Confidence
Tara had experienced heightened anxiety since childhood, leading to intense self-criticism. She obsessed over imperfections in her appearance but eventually reached a point where she stopped constantly scrutinizing herself in the mirror. Through therapeutic strategies, she found ways to manage her anxiety and developed a healthier self-image, ultimately experiencing greater freedom of movement and self-acceptance.
Personal growth is not a linear process and often involves unpredictable changes. It’s comparable to shaking a can of soda before opening it, resulting in an intense burst of energy in various directions. Similarly, personal growth can bring surprising revelations and transformative experiences.
Embrace the shocking truths of what becoming healthier looks like for you and enjoy the journey!
Patricia O’Gorman, Ph.D., psychologist and life coach, is a best-selling author of nine books on trauma, resilience, women, and self-parenting. Find her work on Substack.
