As summer draws to a close and students prepare to return to school, the stress of college applications looms over them. This can be an incredibly overwhelming time for young individuals who are faced with significant decisions. Unfortunately, the way adults communicate with them about these choices can exacerbate the difficulties they face. School counselors are acutely aware of this.
Brian Coleman, the chair of the counseling department at Jones College Prep in Chicago and the 2019 School Counselor of the Year awarded by the American School Counselor Association, emphasizes that a large part of his role is helping students deal with their anxiety rather than avoiding or ignoring it. He recognizes that there are numerous factors beyond their control that contribute to this stress.
HuffPost spoke to several school counselors across the nation to uncover what they consider as inappropriate language when discussing college with students. They shared the discouraging and invalidating statements they would never make to young adults. Here are some of their insights:
1. “You won’t be able to afford this, so don’t bother applying.”
California-based high school counselor Alexis Goddard believes that discouraging students from applying to a university solely based on cost is misguided. Often, students are encouraged to attend community colleges due to their affordability or free tuition. However, there is an opportunity cost that students may not be aware of. By choosing a community college, they may miss out on valuable opportunities like networking, study abroad programs, and a potentially different quality of education. It is essential to discuss the reality of a college’s price tag without crushing the dreams of young individuals. Steve Schneider, a school counselor in Wisconsin, suggests diversifying the list of applied schools to better manage expectations. He emphasizes the importance of keeping the expensive schools on the list, while also exploring other options.
Schneider further notes that families and students may not know the exact cost of college until they receive acceptance letters and learn about the financial aid and scholarships available to them. He advises waiting to make a final decision on affordability until after receiving the official offer. However, it is still possible to assess affordability earlier in the process to help families and students manage expectations. Coleman recommends using the net price calculators available on U.S. colleges’ websites during the school selection phase. This tool allows families to determine affordability for each school of interest and helps navigate potential heartache during the application season.
2. Avoid making predictions such as, “You will or won’t get in if you apply here.”
All the school counselors interviewed advise against predicting which colleges a student will be accepted to or rejected from. It is acceptable to provide information about a college’s acceptance rate or previous graduating classes without shattering a young person’s hope. Alma Lopez, a lead school counselor in California and the 2022 School Counselor of the Year, stresses the importance of preserving hope and avoiding unnecessary rejection. While some students may receive rejection letters, others will ultimately be admitted. The focus should be on providing relevant information rather than making predictions.
3. Avoid pressuring students to attend a particular school based on its reputation or ranking.
Schneider cautions against prioritizing the perceived prestige of an institution and pushing students to apply solely because it is deemed the “best” school. The conversation should revolve around the student’s preferences and goals rather than imposing an institution onto them. Schneider emphasizes the significance of listening to the student and engaging in a dialogue that values their input. It is crucial to avoid biases and assumptions about the type of education a student should pursue. The focus should be on respecting and exploring the student’s career aspirations.
4. Refrain from discouraging students from applying to schools far from home.
Parents and families may sometimes find it daunting to imagine their child leaving home and attending a university far away. Consequently, they may discourage their child from applying to certain universities against the child’s wishes. While distance from home is a valid consideration when applying to colleges, families should approach this conversation by discussing all of the child’s options. Goddard suggests visiting schools together and engaging in an open discussion about the pros and cons of each institution. By involving the student in the decision-making process and considering their feelings during school visits, families can facilitate a more constructive conversation.
5. Avoid imposing your preferences and desires onto the student’s decision.
Coleman advocates for understanding the role of parents or guardians in a student’s decision-making process rather than instructing them to either comply or disregard their parents’ opinions. It is essential to grasp the dynamics of each student’s family and their collective or independent decision-making models. Instead of making assumptions, counselors should approach these discussions from an inquisitive standpoint. Asking questions can lead to a better understanding of the family’s involvement and perspectives.
6. Be mindful when sharing personal college experiences.
Sometimes, adults unintentionally project assumptions onto students that their experience will mirror the adult’s own. While sharing personal experiences can be valuable, it is crucial to recognize that young individuals may have different aspirations and desires. Be attentive to the student’s concerns and feedback about their favorite universities. Simply asserting that everything will be great based on personal experience overlooks the importance of active listening. Avoid dominating the conversation and make an effort to understand the student’s perspective and address their concerns.
Ultimately, it is important to avoid assuming what a student wants without first asking them directly. By refraining from making these detrimental statements, adults can foster a more supportive and empowering environment for young individuals as they navigate the college application process.
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