The True Essence of ‘Never Have I Ever’: Unveiling Its Core Message

“Never Have I Ever,” the beloved series created by the talented duo Mindy Kaling and Lang Fisher, has reached its final season and is now available for streaming on Netflix. In this remarkable conclusion comprising of 10 riveting episodes, it becomes evident that the show was never truly centered around Devi Vishwakumar’s romantic endeavors with boys. Instead, it delves deeply into her personal growth and transformation.

To understand the brilliance behind the gradual fading of the typical teen love triangle trope, we must harken back to the series’ inception. The pilot episode introduces us to Devi as she fervently prays to the Hindu gods, seeking normalcy on her first day of sophomore year. She yearns for the desires of an ordinary teenager—a party invitation, a change in appearance, and most importantly, a boyfriend who embodies her ideal qualities. Devi’s grief is still raw at this point; she recently lost her father to a heart attack during her orchestra concert. In coping with this immense loss, she fixates on the unlikely yet alluring goal of having sex with Paxton, the popular guy in school. Pursuing him becomes a much-needed distraction from her pain, as depicted through the singular phrase she writes in her grief journal that her therapist Dr. Ryan provides her.

As someone who has personally experienced the depths of grief, particularly after losing my mother—the parent who understood me best—when I was just 27 years old, I strongly empathize with Devi’s infatuation with Paxton throughout the first season. Despite no longer being a teenager and having recently become a mother myself, I still felt youthful and the grief remained raw. Devi’s journey resonated with me on a profound level.

Dating Paxton represents a lifeline for Devi, connecting her to a world that no longer feels coherent, while serving as a temporary antidote to the painful void left by her father’s absence: his unfinished vegetable garden, her mother’s unsympathetic remarks, and her neglected harp. As an individual engulfed in my own grieving process, I understand Devi’s unwavering desire for Paxton, as he allows her to momentarily forget the permanence of her father’s departure and the irrevocable changes in her life. And throughout the first season, Devi genuinely desires Paxton above all else, until a surprising turn of events in the final episode reveals her newfound interest in Ben. In this climactic scene, just moments after scattering her father’s ashes, Devi engages in a passionate make-out session with Ben in his car while Paxton calls her on the phone. A teenage love triangle is henceforth born, coinciding with Devi’s progression into a new phase of grief. She bids farewell to her father as she releases his ashes into the Pacific Ocean, accompanied by her mother and cousin Kamala. Following this ceremonial act, Devi must reluctantly acknowledge her father’s permanent absence, making her susceptible to frequent waves of grief associated with missing his voice, guidance, and humor. Consequently, the love triangle between Ben and Paxton amplifies during the second season, as both boys provide a sense of normalcy and levity to Devi’s existence while she remains steeped in anguish. I can relate to the predicament Devi finds herself in when she contemplates moving to India and decides the only logical decision is to date both Paxton and Ben until she leaves the country. Naturally, this decision backfires, causing harm to both guys and jeopardizing Paxton’s swimming career when he flees from Devi’s house only to be struck by a Chevy Volt. The remainder of the season revolves around Devi’s efforts to mend the damage she has caused and win back Paxton—and her endeavors are profoundly successful.

However, as Dr. Ryan cautions in the pilot episode, “having just any boyfriend, regardless of his identity, will not bring you happiness or change who you are.” In the third season, Devi confronts the aftermath of attaining the most popular guy in school without possessing sufficient self-assurance to trust the relationship, all while continuing to yearn for her father’s presence. Just three episodes into the season, following a bout of self-destructive paintball, Paxton ends his relationship with Devi. He asserts that they cannot embark on a genuine partnership until she learns to love herself. As time passes and Paxton moves on, it becomes increasingly evident that they won’t be reuniting anytime soon, making the love triangle plotline unsustainable. Most of the season focuses on Devi’s involvement with a new character, Des, which lacks direct competition from Ben. While Ben experiences jealousy, the sizzling chemistry between Devi and Paxton appears to diminish. This is most noticeable in the final episode of the season, during Paxton’s graduation speech, when he publicly acknowledges Devi’s contributions to his growth and success in gaining admission to college. Although being recognized by Paxton in front of the entire school is a lifelong dream fulfilled, Devi doesn’t experience the anticipated flutter of butterflies. Subsequently, after the ceremony, Devi solidifies her friendship with Paxton as she expresses gratitude for his support during her father’s death, still failing to spark any romantic inclinations.

It is not until she encounters Ben that Devi experiences those elusive butterflies, ultimately culminating in a passionate sexual encounter later that night. Yet, contrary to Devi’s 15-year-old expectations, losing her virginity does not resolve all her problems; rather, it creates further complications. The fourth season resumes, delving into the aftermath of Devi and Ben’s awkward sexual encounter and the ensuing misunderstandings that often plague uncertain romantic connections, especially within the precarious dynamics of high school. Notwithstanding the dramatic events that unfold when Ben initiates a relationship with Margot and Devi explores a connection with the rebellious Ethan, it remains undeniably apparent that Devi and Ben harbor deep affections for one another.

Conversely, the platonic nature of Devi and Paxton’s relationship becomes increasingly evident throughout the season. They share merely one moment filled with chemistry, transpiring while they are locked together in an equipment closet. Given the context, this occurrence is understandable. Devi’s essence would be incomplete without that spontaneous encounter with Paxton, yet it fails to alter the fundamental nature of their bond. Furthermore, their relationship faces another insurmountable obstacle—Paxton’s employment at the school following his departure from college. The reality of Paxton’s new job effectively extinguishes any possibility of a love triangle scenario in the fourth season, which serves as a fitting conclusion for the show. Unlike many other teen-centric TV shows, both classic and contemporary, “Never Have I Ever” was never meant to be reduced to its love triangle dynamics. Ben and Paxton were never intended to become another Dawson and Pacey, Ben and Noel, or Chuck and Nate. This series defies convention by focusing on the compelling narrative of a young girl grappling with the loss of her father—an experience that profoundly impacts her relationships with those around her and shapes her identity.

The ultimate conflict in the fourth season centers on Devi’s aspiration to secure admission into her dream college—Princeton. Initially waitlisted, Devi experiences a series of missteps before ultimately receiving an acceptance letter. In her supplemental essay, she bravely addresses the topic of her father, initially apprehensive about delving into such a deeply personal and potentially exploitative subject matter. However, she recognizes the inextricable connection between her father and herself, stating, “I don’t think there’s a way to truly know me without knowing about him.” Devi unveils the valuable lessons she has learned through her journey, the pain of loss, and the growth she has experienced as a result. The fourth season revolves around Devi’s pursuit of her dreams, highlighting her resilience and personal evolution.

In conclusion, “Never Have I Ever” distinguishes itself through its profound exploration of grief, personal growth, and identity, rather than centering its narrative solely on Devi’s choice between romantic partners. The show captivates audiences by delving into the multifaceted dimensions of Devi’s character and her journey to overcome life’s hardships. As viewers, we bear witness to her triumphs and tribulations, ultimately celebrating her resilience and self-discovery. “Never Have I Ever” is a testament to the power of storytelling, opening our hearts and minds to the complexities of the human experience.

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