Two years ago during Christmas, Anna Rollins, a writer residing near Huntington, West Virginia, had a memorable experience with her 5-year-old son. Eager to assert his independence, the young boy insisted on walking alone. Rollins initially rejected the idea, but her son proposed a compromise: they would walk on opposite sides of the row of houses and meet at the end. With only four houses to traverse and a neighborhood devoid of through-traffic, Rollins relented, instructing her son to stay on the grass. As she walked, Rollins reflected that this was a significant step towards promoting independence.
However, when Rollins arrived at the designated meeting spot, her son was nowhere to be found. Frantically searching his side of the block, she finally spotted him with an elderly couple across the road. The woman asked if the child belonged to Rollins, expressing concern that he was out alone. Despite Rollins’ attempts to explain the situation and emphasize the boy’s desire for independence, her words fell on deaf ears. The woman’s parting words felt more like a thinly veiled criticism: “Merry Christmas.”
Compared to previous generations, today’s American children often live under close surveillance. This is not to say that they lack autonomy. If anything, children now have more influence over what they eat and wear compared to children of the past. However, they have fewer opportunities for personal responsibility and exposure to risks without adult supervision, as recently highlighted by a group of researchers.
While parents have valid concerns about their children’s safety, it is crucial for their development that they have opportunities to break free from constant adult supervision. Mariana Brussoni, a developmental psychologist and the director of the research center Human Early Learning Partnership, explains that when children are not constantly monitored, they are forced to solve problems and resolve conflicts independently. This fosters the development of executive functioning, social-emotional learning, confidence, and resilience.
Independence is also crucial for mental health. Separation anxiety, heights, and fear of the unknown are all normal aspects of child development that serve an evolutionary purpose of keeping children safe. However, these fears cannot dissipate on their own and need to be gradually overcome through experiences that take children further away from parental oversight. Learning to cope with intense emotions in these situations is invaluable. Some psychologists believe that the decline in American children’s mental well-being can be attributed to the severe restrictions on their freedom.
Unfortunately, the vigilant style of American parenting has become the norm and is often expected. Throughout my research for this article, I encountered numerous parents who were threatened with calls to Child Protective Services for not holding their 3-year-old’s hand while crossing the street, being warned about their slightly wandering 5- and 7-year-olds at playgrounds, or reprimanded for allowing their teenage children to walk to school independently. This social discomfort surrounding childhood independence has become a significant barrier to its realization. As Anna Rollins candidly shared with me, “I often find myself worrying more about what other people think than about my children’s safety. If safety were my sole concern, I would allow them much more freedom.”
Mariana Brussoni confirms that this apprehension is common among parents she interacts with. They often express three primary concerns regarding granting their children more freedom: cars, kidnapping, and the opinions or actions of others. This fear creates a vicious cycle, as helicopter parenting has become so deeply ingrained in our society. Breaking free from this cycle is a challenge.
The decline in children’s independence can be attributed to various factors. Brussoni points out that rising economic inequality in the mid-to-late 20th century eroded parents’ confidence in their children’s future success. This led to an intensive form of parenting, initially prevalent among wealthier families but eventually adopted across all social classes. Structured activities such as music lessons and sports practices began to dominate children’s schedules, leaving less time for unrestricted play. Urbanization and car-dominated environments have made it more difficult for children to navigate their neighborhoods safely and for neighbors to form trusting relationships, further diminishing parents’ trust in allowing their children to roam independently. Additionally, the prevalence of smaller families with working parents means fewer adults are present to supervise children while they explore their surroundings, depriving older siblings of their traditional role as caretakers. The pervasive presence of fearmongering media depicting numerous dangers children face in public life has also contributed to limiting children’s freedom.
This gradual loss of childhood freedom has had a cascading effect. As children are granted fewer opportunities for independence, society begins to perceive them as less capable of managing on their own. With each passing generation, it becomes increasingly challenging to conceive of children doing the types of activities they would have engaged in a century ago because fewer parents have personal experiences of engaging in similar activities. Consequently, there is now a prevailing belief that children require constant supervision until at least their preteen years. A recent survey revealed that over two-thirds of parents believe children should be 12 or older before being trusted to stay home alone before or after school. Twelve is also the median age at which children are allowed to walk or bike to school or a friend’s house unaccompanied.
As a result, the absence of unsupervised children in public spaces has become the new norm, and encountering a lone child often prompts assumptions of danger or neglect, as exemplified by the elderly couple who confronted Anna Rollins. Lenore Skenazy, the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit organization advocating for childhood independence, laments this phenomenon, stating, “We’ve come to believe that unsupervised children are inherently unsafe.”
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