- Friendship therapy is increasingly popular for repairing and maintaining relationships.
- However, it can require a significant investment of time and money.
- Here’s how it works, the best way to propose it to a friend, and important questions to consider beforehand.
There is an abundance of online friendship advice available.
Whether you read advice columns, browse through online forums, or scroll through social media, you’ll come across countless opinions on managing various friendship conflicts.
Some of these conflicts can result in the end of a friendship. In fact, a recent YouGov survey revealed that two-thirds of Americans surveyed have ended a friendship, with 50% being the ones dumped by a friend.
But what should we do when we’re unsure if a friendship is worth salvaging?
Many people are now turning to “friendship therapy” for guidance.
The rise in popularity of friendship therapy during the pandemic
Blake Blankenbecler, a therapist and the founder of Fig Holistic Psychotherapy in South Carolina, has noticed an increase in people seeking friendship therapy. She specializes in helping individuals navigate conflicts in their platonic relationships.
“Friendship therapy wasn’t really discussed five or six years ago. However, since the pandemic, people have become more open to discussing their friendships and the conflicts they encounter within these relationships,” she explained.
Blankenbecler also attributes this trend to cultural shifts. “There are individuals who are estranged from their parents. The child-free community is growing. With these changes in relationships, we are reconsidering the concept of a ‘chosen family,'” she said.
When we view our friends as family, we are more willing to invest in maintaining these relationships.
Reasons why people seek friendship therapy
While different types of conflicts may arise between friends, the most common issue is navigating life changes.
“When someone goes through a personal transition, they want to know how to maintain their friendships during these difficult times,” Blankenbecler revealed.
Janelle, a woman in her early 40s, attended friendship therapy with her best friend of over 20 years. She experienced a communication breakdown after having a baby while balancing her career. Her friend, who didn’t have children at the time, made comments that invalidated Janelle’s experience.
A therapist can help mediate conversations between friends and provide strategies or phrases for more effective communication, just like in couples therapy. “My role is to help people truly listen to each other and guide the conversation. Often, I assist them in voicing the simple truths they are too afraid to say,” Blankenbecler stated.
Janelle noticed a significant improvement in her friendship after a month of weekly therapy sessions. “Therapy brought underlying issues to the surface. We felt safer and established boundaries. We acquired tools that enhanced our communication and mutual respect,” she shared.
Additionally, Janelle discovered how personal issues can influence the way we navigate friendships. Problems related to abandonment, whether real or perceived, shape our interactions with friends. Therapists are trained to identify and address these issues. Seeking therapy together with a friend can unlock new levels of respect and empathy. The skills and insights gained can also improve other relationships.
How to determine if friendship therapy is right for you
Janelle knew immediately that friendship therapy was essential for her relationship. “I’ve let superficial friendships fade away before, but this one was worth the effort. We’re like family, and she truly understands me. I couldn’t let go of this friendship,” she explained.
However, friendship therapy may not be suitable for every friend or situation. Consider these questions to help you decide if it’s a good fit:
Is my friend willing to put in the work?
Therapy requires both parties to be open and honest. If your friend is as committed as you are to finding solutions for the challenges you face, it’s worth pursuing.
Has this person been receptive to feedback in the past?
Reflect on how your friend typically receives feedback. If they are willing to listen and take responsibility for their mistakes, friendship therapy may be productive.
When I evaluate our friendship history, do the positives outweigh the negatives?
Consider the value this friendship brings to your life. Assess if the positive aspects outweigh any negative dynamics. If not, reconsider your efforts to salvage the relationship.
Is this friendship worth the investment required for therapy?
Therapy involves a significant financial and time commitment. Evaluate the financial costs of seeking this support and determine if you can consistently attend sessions.
How to suggest friendship therapy to a friend
If your friend already recognizes the value of individual therapy, that’s a positive signal. Simply ask if they would be open to attending therapy together and share your own vulnerabilities as a reason for the suggestion.
“You can say something like, ‘I know I can be defensive at times, so having someone present who can help facilitate this conversation might be beneficial,'” advises Blankenbecler. This approach can help your friend understand the benefits of friendship therapy.
If you feel hesitant about suggesting friendship therapy, remember that it demonstrates your concern for the relationship.
“It’s important to remember that we were never taught how to navigate these situations. It’s difficult to admit ‘I don’t know how to do this’ and ask for support. But it’s actually quite brave,” Blankenbecler concluded.
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