Please can you assist me in finding a way to communicate to my daughter about the danger of her driving habits? She tends to follow vehicles in front of her too closely. It’s hard to gauge, but sometimes it feels like we’re only a few meters away, especially when we’re driving at high speeds.
We reside near numerous major roads and highways, so our trips usually involve this type of road. I’m not usually nervous when driving or being a passenger, and if her proximity wasn’t so perilous, I might be able to tolerate it. It’s interesting how she criticizes her husband’s driving for being too fast, yet she engages in a similar behavior.
Occasionally, I express concern about her driving proximity, and she responds dismissively, but then adjusts her distance. However, within five minutes, she’s back to tailgating. Criticizing someone’s driving is never well-received, and I don’t want to strain our relationship.
Eleanor suggests:
The fact that you’re looking for a delicate way to address this issue with your daughter shows your thoughtfulness and the strength of your relationship. Nobody appreciates being told what to do, so finding an indirect approach to convey your concerns without causing conflict is ideal.
That being said, in some situations, the best course of action is to openly express your thoughts and allow for disagreement. When confronting difficult topics, we often seek alternative ways to convey our message, hoping to avoid explicitly stating our opinion. However, in the case of ingrained habits like this, it’s necessary to draw attention to them in order to bring about change. There are more or less critical ways to approach this conversation, but conflict is inevitable as you’re trying to shift her perspective.
I believe there are two possibilities: either she is unaware of her unusually close driving distance, or she doesn’t mind it. It could be helpful to establish which one it is by asking questions. For example, inquire whether she was taught the rule of maintaining a safe following distance by fixing her gaze on a reference point passed by the car in front, such as a tree or specific markings on the road, and counting to three seconds before passing the same point.
Once you have a clear understanding of her perspective, you may need to express the same concerns you shared with me. However, it’s essential to have this conversation outside of a driving context. For instance, you could say, “I know you’re a skilled driver, and it’s not my place to treat you like a child. Yet, I can’t help but worry that if someone stops suddenly, you might not have enough time to react.” You could also mention the potential legal implications if she were to rear-end someone and highlight the tendency for individuals to overestimate their reaction times while underestimating the impact of external factors like rain, fog, or distractions in the car.
The key is to consistently emphasize that your intention is solely for her safety, and this discussion is not about asserting your superiority or controlling her actions. To counteract any potential power struggle, you could ask her to teach you something or seek her assistance with a problem you’re embarrassed to admit you need help with. Allowing her to be the expert in a different area might make it easier for her to receive corrective feedback on her driving habits as it would be framed as valuable information rather than a confrontation.
You’re absolutely right that no one appreciates being told what to do. However, if you genuinely want someone to acquire new knowledge or change their behavior, there may be no other option but to approach the situation with kind honesty.
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