In my imagination, I once envisioned how the conversation would unfold.
Me: “Hey Mom, I want to share something with you. I identify as gay, just like Ellen. You know, the one on TV? Her kind of gay.”
Her: “Ellen can be gay. But you can’t.”
My mother showered me with immense love, yet as an undocumented Black woman already facing numerous challenges, she hesitated to add another marginalized identity to her child. Consequently, I chose to remain in the closet, allowing only a handful of people into my inner circle without ever fully embracing my true self. During moments of self-pity when tears threatened to fall, she swiftly reminded me of how fortunate I truly was.
My mother worked tirelessly, contributing to the land of the free, and she had a predetermined path mapped out for my future, as is common for many American children with immigrant parents. Being an “anchor baby” (a term I’ve reclaimed), my options were limited to applying to Ivy League schools and selecting a career from a list of conventional choices: doctor, lawyer, engineer, professor, and even immigration enforcement agent! However, being a queer writer was never on that approved list.
I never got the chance to share this aspect of my identity with her, as it never aligned with our predetermined plan. However, when she had to reveal her undocumented status to immigration officers, that plan crumbled. For the first time in our lives as Americans, we experienced a moment of respite from the constant hustle. Typically, any tragedy would propel us to move faster, to work harder. Breathing room was a luxury we couldn’t afford. But her deportation brought everything to a halt.
At first, she simply vanished, and none of us knew her whereabouts for weeks. When we finally discovered that she had been detained, I sprang into action, reaching out to a lawyer and devising a plan.
Then, a phone call came. My mother and I had to communicate as if it were our last day on earth, because that’s precisely how it felt. I had mere minutes to explain our strategy to keep her here, to remind her of our relentless determination, and, above all, to assure her that our love could withstand this storm.
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