Should I allow my 11-year-old to cycle to town with a friend? Gathering insights from GP and mother-of-four, Clare Bailey, shares invaluable advice

Q: My 11-year-old son is becoming bored of being confined to our home this summer and wants to cycle into town with a friend, which is a couple of miles away.

He’s starting to assert his independence and push boundaries, but I’m concerned about the risks of cycling and the potentially threatening atmosphere in town. He does wear a helmet and hi-vis jacket, though.

My husband argues that I’m being overly protective and that he had more freedom at our son’s age, claiming the road is not particularly dangerous. Should I allow him to go now, or wait until he’s older, more confident, and better able to take care of himself?

A: While we naturally want to shield our children from harm, it’s crucial to acknowledge that at some point, we must let them make their own choices and face their own risks. It can be challenging to loosen the reins when we can foresee potential difficulties, such as accidents or becoming victims of crime.

During my own childhood in the late 1960s, my brothers and I enjoyed far more freedom and at a younger age than today’s children. We played in the street and roamed around the neighborhood, deciding how to occupy ourselves and ensuring we were home in time for dinner.

‘My 11-year-old son is bored of being cooped up at home this summer and wants to cycle a couple of miles into town with a friend,’ one parent asks. Stock image used

Is this a viable approach? Recent research suggests that allowing children more scope for independent activities can benefit their mental well-being and help reduce anxiety.

Researchers from Florida Atlantic University’s Department of Psychology highlight the decline in opportunities for children and teenagers to engage in play, exploration, and unstructured activities without close adult supervision since the 1960s.

Could our well-intentioned desire to protect our children inadvertently deprive them of their independence and contribute to the increasing rates of teenage anxiety and depression?

Dr Clare Bailey, pictured, says that we all want to protect our children from harm, but we also need to recognise that eventually we have to let them make their own choices

I was delighted to discover recent research suggesting that we don’t have to stress about achieving 10,000 steps every day to stay healthy. Walking as few as 2,500 steps per day (just over a mile) can still have a positive impact on your well-being. According to an article in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology, walking 4,000 steps (nearly two miles) per day can significantly reduce the risk of heart disease and premature death. However, if you increase your steps, you can experience even greater benefits, with incremental improvements up to 20,000 steps. It’s time for me to dig out that pedometer and get moving…

According to researcher David Bjorklund, for children to develop into well-adjusted individuals, they require increasing opportunities for independent activities, including self-directed play and meaningful contributions to family and community life.

Children need to feel trusted, responsible, and capable, and they must gain the confidence that they can effectively navigate the real world.

By removing their sense of responsibility and avoiding any potentially risky activities, we deny them the chance to learn how to make independent decisions and learn from their own mistakes.

Instead of simply saying no, I suggest sitting down with your husband and your son to brainstorm ways to minimize risks. Start with a few supervised trips before gradually allowing him to go on short trips with a friend.

Granting him more freedom will help him develop resilience and boost his sense of competence. By demonstrating that you trust his judgment, you may also be safeguarding his future mental well-being.

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