When someone loses their loved one, whether it be a spouse, relative, or friend, coping with such a loss can be a challenge. Grief can be a very intense feeling, and it may not go away quickly or easily. Although most people understand that death is a natural part of life, this is a difficult subject for many of us.
Perhaps, if dealing with death wasn’t so difficult, fewer people would believe in the afterlife or reincarnation. A loss of a loved one always brings confusion and sadness, and it often leads to the development of depression and other mental health issues. However, grief itself is a healthy feeling, and it usually diminishes with time.
Still, this feeling is painful. People may react to it differently and use different coping strategies. Most often, people manage to recover from a loss on their own, especially if they don’t use unhealthy coping practices and have some social support. Sometimes, grief lasts for months, and for someone, it may last a couple of years — there is no time period that would be considered “normal.”
If you realize that your grief doesn’t ease with time, not letting you enjoy your life, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You don’t want your grief to spiral out of control and get stronger because it can have a severe negative impact on your mental health. Grief counseling can help you come to peace with your loss, overcome your sadness, and move on with your life.
Types of Grief
To understand grief and loss, let’s first consider the forms it may take. There is no “bad” or “good” grief because everyone grieves differently. Unfortunately, sometimes people think that longer grief is better or that they should experience it in a certain way, but such misconceptions may only complicate things, not letting you process your feelings properly.
With that said, even though there is no “right” period of grief, there is still a difference between reasonable grief and an unhealthy one. Sometimes, grief may last particularly long. Prolonged grief, also known as complicated grief, can turn into an exhausting experience that can cause a long-lasting negative impact on different areas of one’s life.
Complicated grief is often a result of trauma. For instance, a person may experience it after losing a child or being a witness to particularly violent and horrible events. Complicated grief may not only remain intense as time goes by but also get stronger, leading to the development of various additional symptoms.
How long grief lasts may also depend on the way other people react to it. In some societies, grief may not be recognized by others, or it may be considered inappropriate to express your grief publicly. Such cases are called disenfranchised grief. This type of grief may also last longer than usual and lead to complications.
Stages of Grief
There is a common opinion that grief has certain stages. If you google grief, you may find tons of articles about the 5 or 6 stages of grief. The most common model features 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, many counselors who help people cope with grief note that such a model is too rigid, and it doesn’t take into account the specifics of people’s individual situations.
Science Behind Grief
Most of our knowledge about grief is based on the attachment theory developed by John Bowlby. In turn, this theory is based on the concept of psychological connectedness. We learn to form personal bonds as children, and close attachments become valuable for us. Although attachments can be very enjoyable, they also have their flip side: when we lose someone, we grieve.
As we form attachments as children, we also start to miss people we love. When parents leave their child alone, the child starts to cry. If parents don’t come back for a long time, children become withdrawn, demonstrating a reaction similar to grief among adults.
When people lose their loved ones, they often cry and refuse to accept the fact that these people will no longer be present in their lives. However, as time goes by, a grieving person may enter the stage of detachment. On the one hand, grief is an unpleasant emotional state. On the other hand, this isn’t a purely psychological experience because it also increases the level of cortisol, which is a stress hormone that impacts countless physiological processes in your body.
Cortisol can contribute to the development of anxiety and other mental health problems, especially when a person tries to suppress negative emotions. For instance, the accumulated stress may find its way out as a panic attack. The detachment phase may also evolve into depression, that’s why it’s important to know an effective grief recovery method that would allow you to overcome mental health problems and move on with your life.
Overcoming Grief
What is grief if not love persevering? It’s never easy to lose someone you love, but it’s important to remember that love isn’t just the pain that we feel because of it. Life goes on, and you have to learn to love and enjoy your life again, even though it can be a challenge.
First of all, you should acknowledge your loss. Denying your feelings may only make your grief last longer and stop you from getting the necessary support. You also shouldn’t be afraid to talk about your feelings because people will ask you about your loss, and avoiding them will only make you feel more isolated.
If you realize that your grief doesn’t ease with time and interferes with your everyday life, don’t hesitate to ask for help. A licensed therapist can help you process your feelings and provide the so-needed emotional support.
If you have a tight work schedule, you don’t even need to commute to a therapist’s office. Thanks to platforms like Calmerry, you can talk to professional therapists via video calls or even opt for text therapy and exchange messages. Learn more about the benefits of therapy to prepare for your sessions.
