When engaging with young adults, I enjoy discussing their perspectives on significant life commitments such as career choices, living arrangements, and marriage. It’s apparent that they’ve put a considerable amount of thought into their career plans. However, it seems that many haven’t given much consideration to how marriage fits into their lives.
The prevailing assumption seems to be that professional life takes precedence, and marriage is merely an optional addition in the future. According to research conducted by Professor Brad Wilcox from the University of Virginia, 75% of adults aged 18 to 40 believe that achieving financial success is crucial to life fulfillment, while only 32% consider marriage to be crucial. Additionally, a survey by the Pew Research Center found that 88% of parents deem financial independence as “extremely or very” important for their children, whereas only 21% view marriage as equally important.
It’s not that I frequently encounter individuals who are opposed to marriage. Like in the past, the majority of Americans still aspire to be married someday. However, it’s simply not at the forefront of their minds.
A declining number of people perceive marriage as vital. In 2006, 50% of young adults believed that getting married was very important for a lifelong commitment. By 2020, that percentage had dropped to 29%.
There has been a shift in the way people perceive marriage. Sociologist Andrew Cherlin coined the terms “cornerstone” and “capstone” to describe this change. Many now see marriage as a capstone, something to consider after successfully establishing themselves as adults.
Due to these attitudes, there is a decline in marriage rates in America. In fact, the marriage rate is currently close to the lowest point in history. For instance, in 1980, only 6% of 40-year-olds had never been married, whereas in 2021, that number has risen to 25%.
Confronting young adults who hold these views, I feel compelled to offer some advice. I would encourage them to obsess less about their careers and dedicate more thought to marriage. It’s important to recognize the truism that a great career paired with an unsatisfying marriage leads to unhappiness, while a great marriage with a less-than-desirable career can still result in happiness. This is a critical time in their lives to cultivate romantic relationships, as it serves as valuable practice for future marriage. Even if marriage is years away, reading books on the subject, starting with authors like George Eliot and Jane Austen, can be beneficial.
My advice is not based solely on sentimental notions. There is a wealth of evidence indicating that intimate relationships, rather than career success, form the core of a fulfilling life. These relationships have a significant impact on every other aspect of one’s life.
For example, economist Sam Peltzman of the University of Chicago recently published a study that revealed marriage as the most significant factor differentiating between happy and unhappy individuals. Married people are 30 points happier than those who are unmarried. While income contributes to happiness as well, it is not as influential.
Wilcox’s upcoming book, “Get Married,” emphasizes the vital role marital quality plays in determining life satisfaction in America. The odds of saying one is “very happy” with their life are 545% higher among those in a very happy marriage compared to unmarried individuals or those in less-than-satisfying marriages.
Economists Shawn Grover and John F. Helliwell conducted a study comparing two groups of adults over time, some who married and some who didn’t. They discovered that marriage led to higher levels of life satisfaction, particularly in middle age when satisfaction tends to be at its lowest. The positive effects were not solely due to the traits people brought into the marriage; marriage itself had a significant impact.
While increasing wages could potentially raise the marriage rate as financial insecurity often inhibits marriage, as a culture, we could enhance national happiness levels by prioritizing what is fundamental – marriage and intimate relationships – rather than solely focusing on secondary factors like career success.
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