Margaret Roesch, 67, and her wife, Pat McAulay, 68, embarked on a mission to create a warm and supportive community for LGBTQ+ seniors and allies as they embraced their golden years. The result? The Village Hearth, a groundbreaking cohousing development in Durham, North Carolina, catered specifically to LGBTQ+ individuals and their allies. Established in 2020, this vibrant neighborhood consists of 28 accessible one-story homes for residents aged 55 and above.
The inspiration behind their venture was rooted in a desire to avoid returning to the metaphorical “closet” as they aged. Roesch, sitting on her porch in North Carolina, shared their sentiment, “We said we don’t want to have to go back in the closet when we get older.” The couple found solace in the fact that Village Hearth offers a sense of community and a support system comprising over 30 like-minded individuals. McAulay affectionately expressed, “It’s so rewarding to know there’s 30-some people here who have our backs.”
Roesch further attested to the uplifting environment, stating, “I find it very refreshing. We’re all… going to die. People will get sick. These things are going to happen, but we also find that we are really good at taking care of each other.”
According to SAGE, a national advocacy organization for LGBTQ+ elders, older adults in the LGBTQ+ community are twice as likely to be single and four times less likely to have children compared to their non-LGBTQ+ peers. Additionally, familial estrangement due to non-acceptance of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity is not uncommon. These factors highlight the need for early planning and careful consideration of an aging plan.
Certified financial planner Stephanie Lee emphasized the importance of addressing these unique challenges, stating, “A lot of people in their 70s and 80s who have been closeted, they don’t feel safe and they remain closeted while going through care — that’s a stress. You’re trying to get a caregiver, and you’re hiding who you are or hiding your relationship.”
To ensure that their wishes are respected, Village Hearth residents have taken proactive steps to secure their finances, establish care arrangements, and plan for end-of-life scenarios. Workshops have been organized to educate residents on selecting financial and health-care powers of attorney, creating advance directives for medical decisions, and enlisting the assistance of attorneys to draft essential legal documents.
Lee stressed the significance of obtaining the necessary legal papers to safeguard couples’ rights, as even legally married same-sex couples may face difficulties in asserting their visitation rights in hospitals or care facilities. “It’s really critical to get the legal papers to get those visiting rights so you can make those decisions,” she emphasized.
To ensure a smooth transition into senior living, experts recommend initiating a caregiving plan early. This allows individuals and their loved ones ample time to make informed decisions while considering financial implications and broader estate concerns. As senior vice president at Morgan Stanley Wealth Management, Kyle Young, aptly stated, “Having the benefit of time on your side will allow you and your loved ones to make sound, clearheaded decisions.”
Allison O’Shea, founder of Openly Aging, a Durham-based advisory firm, also emphasized the importance of utilizing the period between retirement and requiring additional services to identify a reliable support network, assess financial circumstances, and educate oneself about available care options. O’Shea highlighted the often overlooked “in-between time,” urging individuals to prepare diligently.
In building a robust support system, it is crucial to cultivate relationships with neighbors, family members, friends, loved ones, and professionals who can provide a reliable shoulder to lean on. For those who may not have readily available support, O’Shea suggests enlisting the services of a geriatric care manager. These professionals, equipped with expertise in elder care, can act as advocates, ensure access to resources, and coordinate vital support.
Understanding affordable care options and where to find assistance is also paramount. O’Shea reassures individuals that crafting a financial plan tailored to their circumstances is feasible, stating, “Don’t let your finances scare you. You can create a plan that fits around your finances.” Taking stock of monthly income and assets during retirement aids in making informed decisions about receiving care, whether it involves aging in place, downsizing, or transitioning to a senior living facility.
Local senior centers can serve as invaluable resources for older adults, fostering community and disseminating information. Many centers, like FiftyForward in central Tennessee, are working toward greater inclusivity, conducting research, and providing cultural competency training. Gretchen Funk, Chief Program Officer at FiftyForward, acknowledged the pressing need for inclusive support systems, as issues of service access and isolation impact seniors across the board, with the LGBTQ+ community facing particular discrimination. Funk emphasized the power of advocating together as a society.
Some care services may be available at no cost based on income levels, but lengthy waiting lists are often involved. Knowing when and where to apply for assistance can help mitigate expenses. O’Shea advises that comprehensive planning and education alleviate the stress of making life-altering decisions during emotionally trying times, enabling individuals to follow a step-by-step plan that saves time and money.
Margaret Roesch and Pat McAulay, with their vision of establishing Village Hearth, have created a haven for LGBTQ+ seniors and allies to age gracefully and authentically. By addressing the challenges unique to the LGBTQ+ community and actively preparing for their later years, they have set an example for others on the importance of embracing supportive communities, securing legal rights, and charting a path to a fulfilling and empowering future.
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