In this op-ed, Mia M., a 17-year-old Texas high school student and part of the Youth Voices program at It Gets Better, shares their coming out journey and provides valuable advice for LGBTQ+ youth on National Coming Out Day. For privacy reasons, Mia’s last name is being withheld.
Life during my early teenage years was a challenging period for me. Despite appearing to have a great life on the surface with a loving family, good friends, and a safe and supportive school community, internally, I was wrestling with intense emotions of grief, confusion, and sadness. In addition to dealing with puberty, I found myself caught in an identity crisis encompassing my gender, sexuality, and religion, which completely turned my world upside down.
Was I experiencing mere platonic feelings towards my friend, or was there something deeper? Why was I never comfortable discussing my “boy crush” during sleepovers? I enjoyed dressing in pink and experimenting with makeup, but no label I tried to use for my identity felt right.
In addition to these thoughts, I often felt bewildered about the teachings of Islam and religion, particularly the notion that being non-heterosexual might be considered haram, or sinful. Within my community, I frequently heard that having queer thoughts was acceptable, but acting on them was forbidden.
Consequently, throughout high school, I played the role of the “good girl.” I focused on achieving good grades, accepting dance invitations from boys, and choosing not to express my true feelings about my sexuality when my family inquired about a boyfriend.
However, the more I tried to conceal my true self, the more miserable I became—until one day, I gathered the courage to confide in my older sister Mikaela about my potential queerness. Supported by her comforting presence and our heartfelt conversations, we devised a plan to open up to our parents. Hand in hand, my sister guided me through the process of revealing and explaining my emotions to our family. There were numerous tears shed (mostly by me), and initially, my parents struggled to grasp my perspective. Nevertheless, with time, they were able to see and embrace the real me, offering their support.
Being a Black American, Muslim, and LGBTQ+ teenager in Texas has presented immense challenges. I have encountered skepticism and discrimination from all sides, often confronted with dismissive remarks suggesting that my identity is merely a passing phase. I vividly recall instances when I felt terrified for my safety, leaving my home due to the outwardly homophobic and Islamophobic individuals who would gather near the grocery store, hurling slurs and hateful words at anyone who dared to pass by. It horrified me to witness such hatred and violence aimed towards our own neighbors. When I expressed my concerns, people would dismissively respond, “That’s just the way things are.”
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