- I am the proud mother of fraternal twin girls who are unique individuals despite being twins.
- I believe in nurturing their individuality while also celebrating their special twin connection.
- Letting go of preconceived notions about parenting has been liberating for all of us.
Becoming a mother was a profound experience in my life. As a child, I often fantasized about the “perfect” family with a white picket fence and 2.5 children, but nothing could prepare me for the wild rollercoaster of parenthood. When I discovered I was having twins in late 2010, I was both excited and overwhelmed.
Now, I am raising two unique individuals who are navigating the ups and downs of adolescence just like any other teenager. The only difference is how society occasionally treats them as a duo instead of individuals.
Not all twins are the same
My twins defy the typical stereotypes associated with twins. Since they are fraternal, they do not resemble each other, much to the confusion of others. Furthermore, their interests and personalities are vastly different.
During their preschool years, it was easier for me to lump them together when it came to things like clothing choices or extracurricular activities. However, as they grew and developed their own identities, I had to let go of control and allow them to make their own decisions.
Elementary school shed light on twin parenting
When it was time to enroll them in kindergarten, my husband and I had a conversation with the principal to discuss their class placement. One valuable piece of advice she shared was to encourage them to be independent individuals. She reminded us that they had been together for every moment of their lives, and it was beneficial for them to have some separation and experience life on their own.
This arrangement worked well for both of my daughters. One of them was unsure about being separated, while the other was eager to forge her own path. In our school system, the teachers work collaboratively but also keep the twins in separate classes for certain subjects. This balance has been beneficial for their growth and development.
Embracing their twin bond without stifling individuality
Throughout elementary and middle school, my husband and I have encouraged our twins to embrace their individuality while still cherishing the unique bond that comes with being twins. Although twin births are becoming more common, there is something extraordinary about sharing a connection with someone who has been there from the very beginning.
While I initially hoped they would share my passions for ballet and theater, only one of them has an interest in the arts, and she has no desire to pursue ballet. I have come to accept and appreciate their preferences and interests, even if it means delving into the world of girls’ softball.
Granting them the freedom to be themselves instead of forcing them to be identical has been liberating for both them and me.
Parenting twins brings unique challenges
By the time they turned three, we had abandoned the habit of dressing them alike all the time. It may have been convenient for getting everyone ready quickly, but I knew that eventually, they would want to express their own style and preferences. Parenting twins is challenging enough without adding unnecessary pressure for them to be identical.
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