Americans are continuing to work well into their later years due to a combination of longer life spans and inadequate retirement savings. A survey conducted in 2022 revealed that 71% of baby boomers feel they are falling behind in saving for retirement. As a result, the workforce is gradually aging. In 1984, people under 40 made up over 60% of the workforce, whereas today, that number has decreased to 45%. On the other hand, workers over 60 have become twice as common during this period.
However, financial concerns are not the sole reason why baby boomers choose to work longer. Many older adults find value and a strong sense of community in their work. The need for financial security alone is not enough to persuade them to retire, as stated by the Boston College Center for Retirement Research in 2016.
Nonetheless, working well into one’s 60s, 70s, or even 80s may not align with everyone’s idea of retirement. As an adult child of a soon-to-be retiree, it is natural to want your parents to let go and enjoy the fruits of their labor. In online communities like Reddit, millennials often discuss how to help their parents transition into retirement. However, the question remains whether initiating these conversations may be seen as overstepping or condescending.
Experts have differing opinions on this matter. Brent Bernard, a clinical counselor and the owner of Keep Moving Forward Counseling and Consulting, believes that sensitive and empathetic family discussions about retirement timing can be beneficial. These conversations can alleviate any stress bottling up within the parent or child and help shift their focus towards productive problem-solving.
However, it is essential to remember that the decision to retire ultimately lies with the parent, and the goal should be to listen rather than persuade. The adult child should serve as a collaborator or adviser, rather than the one calling the shots. Failing to make the parent feel heard may lead to defensiveness and entrenched positions.
Before initiating a conversation about retirement, an adult child should introspect their motivations. Financial therapist Celia Roberts Hughes suggests questioning whether concerns about safety, career integrity, or personal projections are influencing their desire for their parents to retire. It’s crucial to keep the focus on serving and partnering with parents, rather than solely trying to save them.
Some experts argue that these conversations should generally be avoided, as the decision to retire is personal and inherently ageist. However, geriatrician Leslie Kernisan suggests that if a parent is experiencing cognitive decline, it may be appropriate to discuss retirement. Kernisan also highlights the financial and emotional benefits that older adults can gain from continued work.
To understand the reasons behind the reluctance to retire, adult children should consider the social and cultural context in which baby boomers were raised. They were conditioned to commit to their careers for their entire professional lives. Letting go can be challenging, especially when professional identity is deeply intertwined with self-perceived value and fulfillment. Additionally, work provides a sense of purpose and supportive social relationships, which are crucial for healthy aging.
If an adult child does decide to have “the talk,” it is important to approach the discussion with sensitivity. Pushing the parent to retire is not their place. The key is to create a space for open and honest communication, allowing the parent to share their concerns and plans without feeling pressured.
In conclusion, discussing retirement with aging parents is a complex and sensitive matter. While it can be beneficial if handled empathetically, it is crucial to approach the subject with patience, understanding, and respect for the parent’s autonomy.
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