How to Handle Pushy In-Laws Urging Flight Bookings as Baby’s Due Date Approaches – Insights from Carolyn Hax

My parents live nearby, and my husband’s family seems upset that I want my parents, especially my mother, to be with me right after giving birth. My mother is a great caretaker and cook, and her support will be crucial for me during this vulnerable period. On the other hand, having out-of-town guests will feel more like hosting and add unnecessary stress.

They have not expressed any concern about my health and well-being during pregnancy, unlike my mother who genuinely cares. This further emphasizes my preference for my mother’s presence over theirs.

My husband is skilled at setting boundaries, but their messages still make me feel guilty. Am I being unreasonable for asking them to wait for a little over a month after my due date? I want to avoid dealing with scheduled visitors if anything goes wrong with the birth. Whenever I express concerns about my or the baby’s health, my mother-in-law dismisses them by assuming that since everything was fine for her, the same will be true for me.

Expecting: You have done nothing wrong. Your priority should be your baby’s health, your well-being, and creating a bond with your child. Everyone else can wait.

Their impatience and lack of understanding only reinforce the importance of your decision. Focus on giving to yourself first, and let those who take wait their turn.

Of course, you can’t predict how you’ll feel after giving birth, but setting a tentative date, around one month after your due date, for visitors is a reasonable approach when dealing with flight bookings. They can choose to book in advance based on that date or wait to see if you’re ready earlier and face higher last-minute travel costs.

As I write this, I can’t help but think, “Ugh, these people,” and remind you that you have no obligation to host anyone who is being difficult. However, shutting out your husband’s family completely may hurt your husband as well. It may exacerbate their insecurities and neediness. It’s important to remember that you have a supportive husband on your side, which is significant.

My suggestion is to stick to your plan and let your husband handle all communication with his family regarding their travel plans. He can inform them of the tentative dates and ask them to let you both know their decisions. Further discussions are unnecessary. Additionally, consider suggesting a nearby hotel for less helpful guests.

· I also recommend that Expecting talks to her husband about taking over all communication with his family until after the baby is born, and possibly even beyond that. He can handle their pestering texts so that she doesn’t have to deal with them. If his family continues to disregard boundaries, she can block their phone numbers temporarily. There’s no reason for her to communicate with them at this time.