In November 2022, I made the life-changing decision to undergo gastric-bypass surgery and successfully lost a remarkable 85 pounds. Prior to the surgery, I made it a point to have an open and honest conversation with my daughter about the procedure and its purpose. It was crucial for me to ensure that she understood that my motivation for undergoing this surgery was purely for my health, rather than any aesthetic reasons.
The initial discussion took place during a family outing at a sports bar in December 2020. At that time, I had already consulted with the doctor who would eventually perform the surgery, but I was still hesitant and overwhelmed by the whole process. Overcome with emotion, I looked into my daughter’s eyes, then 10 years old, and explained, “If I go through with this surgery, I want you to know it’s because I am in physical pain and feeling unhealthy, not because I believe there is anything wrong with having excess weight on your body.” Despite already weighing over 220 pounds at 5-foot-4, I continued to gain another 15 pounds before finally deciding to proceed with the surgery.
Breaking the cycle of body shame passed down from my mother was of utmost importance to me. I have battled with my weight throughout my life and have always felt anxious about my relationship with food and dieting. I vividly remember shedding tears at the dinner table as a child, recounting stories of ridicule from other kids due to my weight. In the 1990s, when I was a teenager, my mother would promptly sign me up for weight-loss programs or buy weight-loss products whenever I complained about my jeans feeling tight. By the time I became a mother myself, I had experimented with various weight-loss methods such as phentermine and P90X, only to face a constant cycle of losing and regaining 50 pounds.
When my daughter came into the world as my second child, I looked forward to sharing my love for pink dresses and pedicures with her. However, I also carried a great deal of fear. How could I handle my own body-image issues, which I had inherited from my mother, without damaging my daughter’s self-esteem? To tackle this challenge, I fully embraced the body-positivity movement and focused on moving my body and consuming healthy foods. I made a conscious decision not to engage in negative discussions about my appearance in front of my daughter. These efforts paid off as my daughter grew up watching me eat meals enthusiastically, free from any shame. In our home, weight was not a topic of negativity; we emphasized that all bodies are deserving of love and recognized that having some fat on our bodies is normal. Engaging in activities like family walks, bouncing on the trampoline, and taking dance classes, my daughter learned to appreciate and enjoy moving her body.
Despite my improving mindset and mental health, I continued to gain weight. By the age of 41, I weighed 235 pounds and began experiencing severe health issues as a result. Chronic pain plagued my back, legs, and feet, and I also suffered from a severe ulcer and painful acid reflux that disrupted my sleep. It was at this point that I decided to take charge of my health and opt for bariatric surgery.
In May 2022, after 15 months of consultations, waiting for health-insurance approval, and undergoing necessary preparatory measures such as blood work and therapist and nutritionist visits, I finally had the surgery. Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, who specializes in teen and parenting issues, advised being honest when discussing weight-loss surgery with teenagers. Greenberg emphasized the importance of addressing the topic before the surgery takes place, as teenagers are aware of the situation and avoiding the conversation would be counterproductive. In my case, I had broached the subject with my daughter after my initial consultation in 2020, and as I made the final decision to proceed, I reiterated the discussion with her.
During our conversations, I made it a point to reiterate that this surgery would transform my life, but it had nothing to do with considering myself unattractive. Greenberg also suggested explaining previous weight-loss attempts and inviting your child to attend an appointment with the surgeon to ask any questions or share their concerns regarding the procedure and associated risks. I also discussed with my daughter how the surgery would bring about changes in my lifestyle. I explained that due to a smaller stomach capacity, I would not be able to eat as much in one sitting. Furthermore, I informed her about the adjustments I would need to make, such as reducing my consumption of caffeine and sugar, and placing greater emphasis on a high-protein diet post-surgery.
Hair loss due to changes in nutrient intake and rapid weight loss is a potential side effect of bariatric surgery. This brought about a change in our appearance, as my daughter and I had always maintained the same long, blonde hairstyle. I communicated to her that I planned to cut my hair into a short blonde bob temporarily until the hair loss subsided. Although this aspect saddened her, I assured her that my hair would eventually grow long again.
Ultimately, the decision to undergo weight-loss surgery is a personal one, and in my case, it was the right choice. On November 1, I had the gastric-bypass surgery, and despite the initial post-surgery pain, my children witnessed a remarkable transformation in me. Not only did I experience relief from the pain in my feet, back, and legs, but I also gained the energy to fully engage in family activities, from enjoying leisurely days at the beach to keeping our home in order. Additionally, my health issues, such as the severe ulcer, were resolved, leading to improved overall well-being.
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