- Maria Sophocles is a gynecologist specializing in women’s sexual health.
- According to her, reading erotica or romance can effectively stimulate desire.
- She also emphasizes that fluctuations in women’s libido throughout the years are normal.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with
Maria Sophocles
. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
During my 25 years as a gynecologist, I’ve encountered many patients who lack sexual desire. Some are indifferent to their low libido, although it may strain their relationships. Others yearn for the return of desire.
Unfortunately, low libido is a prevalent issue. Over a quarter of pre-menopausal women and more than half of menopausal women experience low desire. While experiencing low desire is common, there are steps you can take to regain control over your libido. Here are six things every woman should know about female desire and libido.
Fluctuations in libido are normal
Many women feel frustrated by the inconsistency of their libido. The media often portrays a constant intense desire, leading to unrealistic expectations. However, as humans, factors such as mood, fatigue, and familial obligations can affect our desire for sex. Additionally, there are biological reasons for day-to-day variations in libido.
Recognizing and accepting these fluctuations will alleviate the pressure to constantly crave sex every day.
Estrogen plays a role in desire
Understanding the relationship between hormones and libido reveals why desire levels shift. Estrogen, especially estradiol, which increases during the first half of the menstrual cycle, contributes to feelings of desire. In fact, estradiol has been used to treat low libido effectively.
As estrogen levels rise, peaking around ovulation, you may experience heightened sexual desire. Biologically, it makes sense to be interested in sex when your body is most fertile.
Progesterone affects sleep and sex drive
After ovulation and during menopause, estrogen levels decrease, diminishing sexual arousal. Alongside decreased estrogen, another hormone called progesterone inhibits libido. Progesterone, which rises during the latter half of the menstrual cycle, promotes healthy sleep by releasing the neurotransmitter GABA. When we’re focused on sleep, our interest in sex tends to decline.
Emotions and background matter
When patients come to me, they don’t point straight to hormonal causes for their low sex drive. Instead, they express how it affects their relationships. That’s why I utilize a behavioral health approach when discussing the topic with them.
Firstly, I encourage patients to consider potential barriers to their sex drive. Does body image play a role? Are there relationship issues or past traumas? Adjusting to parenthood? Asking these important questions can be challenging, and seeking the guidance of a counselor or sex therapist can be beneficial.
Reading racy content can ignite desire
Bibliotherapy, which involves reading erotic literature, has been proven effective in increasing desire among many women. When exposed to sensual stimuli through reading, hearing, or viewing, women are more likely to become interested in sex.
So, why not pick up a romance novel as your next beach read or explore erotica? Watch movies or shows with steamy sex scenes or experiment with audio porn.
Start slowly with your partner
It can be frustrating for women when their partner solely focuses on or rushes towards penetrative sex. To overcome this, I present patients with a challenge: start slow and gentle. Spend time cuddling or engaging in activities together after the kids are in bed. Dedicate at least thirty minutes to connecting on a personal level (and avoid discussing topics like kids, taxes, and bills).
When you’re ready to progress, take small steps. Begin with kisses and touches without immediately progressing to sex. Gradually increase the intensity of intimate moments before reaching explicit sexual acts.
Sexual desire is complex, involving more than just hormones or connections with your partner. It’s a multifaceted combination of various factors in your life. The first step towards a thriving sex life is granting yourself permission to desire it.
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