From Shame to Gratitude: Woman’s Journey of Embracing Her Older Dad

• Regularly, I would receive inquiries about whether my dad was my grandfather.
• The fact that he was much older than the other parents used to embarrass me.
• However, as he approaches turning 90, I now appreciate his encouragement and support.

While warming up for my middle school basketball game, a teammate asked, “Is that your grandpa?”

“Uh, no,” I muttered. “That’s my dad.”

Waiting in line to shoot another layup, my heart fluttered as I saw him enter the gym, wearing his long trench coat that was certainly not cool. During my childhood, this question embarrassed me because my dad was significantly older than other parents.

You see, my dad had me and my twin brother when he was 48. By the time we graduated from high school, he was 67. However, I failed to realize back then that my dad’s age came with its own advantages. Now that I’m a parent myself, I can appreciate those advantages.

Unwavering Support in Troubled Times

When it came to typical issues like sibling squabbling or getting in trouble, my dad would react like most parents: annoyed. As a teenager, I believed he would never understand me due to the significant age gap. However, as we grew older and faced bigger problems, my dad remained calm.

During college, when my brothers and I made poor decisions, he would send us weekly letters written on a yellow legal pad with his nearly illegible handwriting. Sometimes, he would even include a $20 bill. While we prioritized the money over his wisdom, we should have paid more attention to the gentle guidance contained in those letters instead of spending the twenties on alcohol.

One semester in college, I hit rock bottom, experiencing both social and academic probation simultaneously. I was partying excessively, skipping classes, and neglecting my studies.

I came close to getting expelled.

However, I will forever remember the day my report card arrived in the mail. My dad called me into the family room, sat me down on the couch, and leaned forward from the coffee table, placing his hands on his knees. He spoke calmly, listened to me, and then asked, “So, what’s your plan?”

Following His Example

Now that I’m a parent, I am amazed by my dad’s patience and composure in that moment. I was on a destructive path, jeopardizing my future – or so I thought at the time. However, my dad had faith that I would be okay. Being a first-generation immigrant, he had dropped out or failed from five colleges before ultimately earning his degree. He understood that failure is sometimes part of the journey, and one must crash and then pick oneself up and try again.

Although my own children have yet to face significant challenges as they are only tweens, I feel fortunate to have memories of my much older dad displaying such wisdom during my tumultuous teenage years. These memories guide me on how to respond when things get tough with my own children.

Today, as my dad approaches 90, he continues to support and encourage me and my three brothers as we navigate midlife. The embarrassment I once felt about his age as a teenager on that basketball court is now nothing more than a faint memory.