“Mommy forgot the car key,” I exclaimed. “Oh, silly Mommy!”
Even I had to acknowledge the deranged tone in my voice.
I swiftly turned the stroller right, then left, then left again. Despair was trailing closely behind us, urging us to move faster. I raced back to our familiar street, lined with elegant brownstones and their grand staircases.
But I had completely forgotten about those stairs.
Standing in front of our building, I felt paralyzed.
I wasn’t physically capable of maneuvering a baby in a stroller up ten steps. And if I attempted to take him out of the stroller, I knew he would unleash his fury. He would transform into an uncontrollable force of writhing, wriggling, and shrieking, leaving us no chance of arriving at the doctor’s office on time. Without the car key, however, our progress was undoubtedly halted.
I could sense my competence and goodness slipping away, replaced by a chilling certainty that I was inadequate for this situation.
Unless… unless I left him on the street for just a moment. Maybe less than a minute. I would rush inside and be back within 30 seconds, maybe 45 at most. What were the odds of someone snatching a child in such a short span of time?
As these thoughts raced through my mind, a horrifying vision materialized before me in an instant. I envisioned myself ascending the stairs, then suddenly realizing my mistake and rushing back down, only to discover that he was gone. My child, no longer with me, but transported back to California, the place I desperately yearned to be. I saw him being whisked away by my overwhelming longing, traversing space and time. While I remained here, how could I possibly reach him?
This grotesque figment of my imagination was so vivid that it made my stomach churn with bile. Yet, as my body settled, something deep within me also settled.
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