The Brief and Hilarious Attorney of New Jersey
Meet Jon Bramnick, the renowned attorney known as the “Funniest Lawyer in New Jersey.” Bramnick has won numerous comedy contests, volunteers as a comedic auctioneer, and even authored a humor book titled “Why People Don’t Like You.” On top of his comedic career, Bramnick is also a Jersey politician, which some might argue is a punchline in itself.
Married with grown children, Bramnick is a state senator who resides in Westfield.
JB: “I studied at Syracuse University for my undergraduate degree and attended Hofstra Law for my law degree. However, I quickly learned that being a wise guy in court doesn’t fly with judges. I made the mistake of trying to be clever once, and the jury did not react favorably. Needless to say, I never attempted that again.
“Crafting a joke can take up to six hours, yet its delivery only lasts a minute. Although I specialize in personal injury cases, I find that practicing law is ultimately more rewarding. Preparing for a trial is easier than working in an Atlantic City casino. On trial, if you miss a word, you can easily make up for it. But if you lose your audience, there’s no bringing them back.
“As a New Jersey politician and state senator, I often joke that people can trust everything I tell them. People often throw my own lines back at me, like when a lady in a town hall meeting asked me what I’m doing about high taxes, and I replied, ‘I’ll move.’
“My humor works with everyone except my wife. One day, I asked if she wanted to see me perform at a comedy club, and Patricia responded, ‘Naaah. I’d rather stay home and watch ‘Gunsmoke.'”
Andy Garcia’s Pump-Up Music
Did you know that Andy Garcia, the actor, has a side gig? He is part of a musical group called the CineSon All Stars, consisting of 15 talented musicians. I’m not entirely sure what the CineSon All Stars is, but I do know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a fan. In the midst of promoting his new self-help book, “Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life,” Schwarzenegger took some time to enjoy Garcia’s trumpet skills alongside Arturo Sandoval, who has also worked on soundtracks for Clint Eastwood.
An Unfortunate Experience with Luxe Brands
A recent news story highlighted the success of Bernard Arnault, the medicine man behind LVMH and one of the richest individuals on the planet. Arnault’s empire includes luxury brands such as Tiffany, Bulgari, and Vuitton, all located on the esteemed corners of 57th & Fifth.
Earlier this year, I encountered some challenges with these luxury retailers. When Bulgari’s gold wristwatch stopped working, they claimed it was old and had to send it to Europe for repair. Yes, they sent their own jewelry to Europe for repair. Despite numerous phone calls, it took them six months to resolve the issue, and I was stuck with a $2,000 bill.
At Tiffany’s, I was initially denied entry by a uniformed guard unless I had an appointment, even just to browse their silver chain selection. Eventually, I was allowed in, but a guard accompanied me throughout my entire visit, never giving me the chance to explore or try on items freely. All I wanted was to visit the second floor, but the guard insisted on staying by my side.
It makes me question whether this self-proclaimed lord of retail, Bernard Arnault, has what it takes to acquire the fourth corner and conquer Bergdorf’s.
An Implausible Solution
During a presidential debate, two candidates proposed sending troops into Mexico to eliminate the cartels overnight. While it may sound like a great idea, it’s important to consider the reality. Invading our largest trading partner and declaring war on Mexico, a country with a 300,000-troop army, is not as simple as it seems. Let’s not forget what Putin said about Ukraine’s 200,000 army, claiming it could be done “overnight.”
Furthermore, the Governor of North Dakota, whose name escapes me, proudly boasts about his exemplary governance. However, one must remember that North Dakota’s population is only half that of Nassau County in New York, and they have more cows than people.
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RUMORS: One of Arnault’s relatives claimed their ancestry traces back to Charlemagne. Does this mean their ancestors also owned the Ark with Noah? “No,” they clarified, “Our people had a boat of their own.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
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