Once legends, now falling
It seems that everything is falling apart, including The Great Lawn and the value of the dollar.
San Francisco, Golden Globes, Madison Avenue shopping, religion, civility, Sam Bankman-Fried, devoted families, marriages, childbearing, Hunter Biden’s alibis, historic statues, and even my face all seem to be deteriorating. But that’s a whole other conversation.
In addition, CNN, the rules of law, the quality of merchandise and food, relationships, and what was once considered our government, Fauci, education, and even marriage vows are all declining. Not to mention Long Island’s less-than-impressive George Santos. Let’s hope he goes away soon.
And let’s not forget the other things that are falling apart: oceans that are overflowing, lightning striking, energy running out of energy, Staten Island itching to secede, crickets, roaches, mice, subpar subways, and now out-of-town made bagels that taste like linen.
Gone With the Wind (like the movie itself) represents the current state of the NYPD, Ukraine, Hong Kong, Iran, our House of Representatives, and the allegedly lousy Prince Andrew. It’s all falling apart.
And there’s more falling apart: the cost of living, infrastructure, hurricanes, earthquakes, and any remaining partridges in pear trees.
Day of infamy
Next week, Friday the 13th is coming, which means we can expect things that go bump in the night to happen during the day as well.
Biblical scholars say that Eve tempted Adam with the apple on a Friday. However, there was no one there to record it, so we can’t be sure.
Friday is associated with significant events throughout history, such as the Great Flood, Cain murdering Abel, the crucifixion of Jesus, and the Last Supper with its 13 attendees and the arrival of Judas as the 13th. France’s King Philip IV of Whenever even arrested his Knights on a Friday, leading to the condemnation of Friday the 13th as the unluckiest and most evil day.
There have been other notable incidents on Friday the 13th, including Buffalo’s half a million people losing power under 2 feet of snow in 2006, the stock market crashing in 1989, and the flooding of swollen rivers in Kansas in 1951.
Some even murmur that March 13, 2020, could be considered the first official day of the US pandemic.
On the upcoming Friday the 13th, even those with triskaidekaphobia will be throwing salt over their shoulders (although not a good idea for a cake delivery person).
Superstitions suggest that it’s a day to avoid curling your hair, not wear black, avoid getting married, stay home at night, and don’t have 13 guests at your table. Well, if you’re staying home, you can always invite me over.
Conquering Hollywood
Meanwhile, we have a mini Napoleon in Hollywood, and who knows where he had his Sweet Sixteen. As if DC doesn’t have enough mini Napoleons, now we have one in film.
Factoids state that this mini emperor is around 5-foot-2, although some claim he may reach a towering 5-foot-6 if he stands on his bunions.
He has been portrayed by tall actors like Marlon Brando, Rod Steiger, and Dennis Hopper. And now, Joaquin Phoenix is strutting into the title role.
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