It typically begins with an email.
“Hi,” it might cheerfully start, even though it comes from someone in your distant professional past who, as far as you can recall, was quite unremarkable.
Now, that person is asking for your help in finding a new job—a reference or endorsement.
Welcome to one of the most challenging situations in modern work life: a request to recommend someone you didn’t hold in high regard.
There was probably a time when basic courtesy prevented such awkward demands. But if that time ever existed, it’s long gone, considering the difficult conversations I’ve had lately with potential referees.
“It’s a moral dilemma,” said an executive who had been repeatedly approached by ex-colleagues he remembered for all the wrong reasons. Lazy. Unreliable. Average. Demanding in an unpleasant manner. The idea of endorsing any of them to a new employer was discouraging. At the same time, he didn’t want to be rude.
In the end, he did what many others have likely done in his position. He gave some friendly verbal advice and then quietly disappeared before a formal written request for a job reference materialized.
The point is that he, like myself, couldn’t conceive of being brazen enough to make such a request to a distant work connection. As he put it: “I have a list of people with whom I’ve built long, trusted relationships, and I wouldn’t reach out to anyone beyond that for references.”
It’s not as if the requesters were recent graduates who hadn’t had the time to establish such relationships. Some of them had even more experience than him.
So, what’s happening here? LinkedIn might be contributing to this trend. I’ve been told that it has become more common for people to reach out to “connections” on the platform, no matter how distant, who are now working in companies they aspire to join.
If that’s the case, it aligns with a broader tendency to approach complete strangers on Twitter simply because you share an interest in 19th-century bond prices or ferrets.
Of course, there’s another way to handle these problematic job reference requests: cunning. Anyone who has ever written or read a job reference knows that there’s a significant difference between a reference that enthusiastically explains why a candidate is perfect for a job and one that subtly advises caution.
A letter emphasizing a candidate’s “persistence,” “dedication,” “unyielding punctuality,” and ability to “follow instructions well” might impress a boss seeking a robotic employee. However, it’s unlikely to impress an employer looking for a creative, charismatic innovator with strong leadership qualities.
This highlights a more serious problem with job references—they have a long history of being unreliable.
A small industry focuses on helping job seekers ensure their former bosses aren’t unfairly speaking negatively about them. One US company that offers reference-checking services claims that 57% of the checks they perform uncover “some level of negativity.”
However, some academic research suggests that references tend to be excessively positive. This is mainly because applicants choose who writes their references. Additionally, letter writers fear lawsuits or at least confrontations if they write an accurate but damaging letter.
There’s limited research on reference checks, but one study from the 1980s indicates that references provided to job seekers who have the right to see them are more positive than those intended to be confidential. It’s also widely believed, though rarely proven, that exceptionally glowing references may be written for employees an organization desperately wants to get rid of.
For all these reasons, companies with the means often pay substantial sums to corporate intelligence firms to verify whether candidates live up to their references or recommendations.
It makes sense, especially for senior positions with high salaries. According to some estimates, replacing a top executive can cost up to 200% of their salary.
Most companies can’t afford to hire external investigators, so they conduct their own reference checks. Some make informal inquiries. However, despite their flaws, references aren’t disappearing anytime soon.
Therefore, it’s worth remembering that, old-fashioned as it may seem, it’s always beneficial to ask someone you know and trust to provide the reference.
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