My partner and I are expecting a baby and, among the many questions to consider in the coming months, the most important one is whether one of us should learn to drive. It’s somewhat unconventional for a couple in their early 30s to rely solely on public transport, Ubers, hitching rides, and walking. I wish I could say it was a deliberate, eco-friendly choice, but it’s primarily due to laziness, embarrassment at missing the opportunity to learn earlier, and, of course, the cost. The cost is truly the only downside on my list, but it’s a significant one.
The benefits include independence, the convenience of transporting the baby without involving a third party, and the peace of mind in knowing we can reach the necessary emergency services in case of an emergency.
But there’s also the romantic aspect of wanting to create the same kind of cherished memories I had as a child for our daughter. These memories, like singing along to the Pretenders, having deep conversations in the backseat, and snacking on our way to visit grandparents, are incredibly precious to me. I find myself longing to recreate them for my little girl. So, the ultimate question is: is it worth it?
Eleanor says:
Apart from the car purchase itself, learning to drive is a valuable skill. You never know when you might find yourself in an emergency or stranded in a situation where a car is the only way out. Unexpected circumstances that require driving can arise suddenly, such as someone breaking a leg and needing transportation, or the need to rescue someone from a dangerous situation, or frequent medical appointments. Having the skill, even if not the vehicle, can make you feel less vulnerable to these sudden changes. Plus, you’ll be much better at dodgems!
However, this decision isn’t solely about the car purchase. It has both financial implications and emotional considerations as you prepare to expand your family. It’s natural to want to make these choices and get them right before becoming parents. But it’s important to remember that your path as parents will unfold over many years, allowing you to learn more about your daughter and the kind of childhood she will thrive in. The reality often differs from our predictions.
There are numerous significant purchases you could make now to shape her ideal childhood, only to discover later that she’s more suited for something entirely different. For example, raindrops racing down the car window might define your childhood memories, but she might get carsick and prefer riding a bike instead.
The same principle applies to other ways you might try to create a beautiful childhood for her. You might invest in camping gear, only to find out she prefers reading books. Or you might spend money on music lessons, only to discover she’s tone-deaf and wants to play rugby. You don’t have to finalize all these decisions before she arrives. You have time to figure it out together, through trial and error, and see what resonates with her.
Your baby girl is coming soon, but she won’t arrive directly into the life she’ll have. Making key financial decisions about her childhood can be done in her company, with a focus on responding to her evolving needs once she’s here.
This letter has been edited for clarity.
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It’s completely natural to want to make these significant decisions and get them right in the months leading up to becoming a parent. However, the moment your daughter arrives is not the moment when everything needs to be figured out. Parenthood is a journey that unfolds gradually as you learn more about your daughter and the kind of parent you want to be. Often, the reality of these things differs greatly from our initial expectations.
You still have time to make the right choices together by experimenting and discovering what feels right. Your little one’s arrival is just the beginning, and there’s no rush to have all the answers in advance.
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