- Living in Southern Spain with my family for the past decade has been an incredible experience.
- Raising children far away from our loved ones has its challenges.
- We have to navigate dual taxation between the US and Spain, and we prioritize saving money to visit our family back home.
Moving to a foreign country felt liberating, like finally leaving a stagnant relationship.
I immersed myself in Andalucía, and it was love at first sight. From watching flamenco shows in Granada’s historic Albaicín to enjoying grilled sardines on the Costa del Sol, southern Spain became the sanctuary I desperately needed.
But just like any relationship, the honeymoon phase eventually faded, and I realized that every place, whether it’s on the Mediterranean or in Metro Detroit, has its challenges.
While I’d love to paint a picture-perfect life of sangria, sunshine, and siestas, the truth is living in a foreign language and culture poses many difficulties.
Adjusting to a foreign language
One of the biggest challenges of moving abroad was adapting to a new language. Paperwork used to be a hassle back home, but dealing with official documents and governmental offices in a foreign tongue brings a whole new level of frustration and fear. From visas to rental agreements, everything I need for living, working, and existing is in Spanish. Even with advanced language skills, deciphering official documents can feel like tackling “Don Quijote.”
Getting used to driving in a new country
Driving is far from simple. Despite holding a Michigan driver’s license for nearly two decades, Spain only recognized it for a few months. To avoid my fear of stick shifts and narrow European streets, I relied on biking and public transportation for years. Eventually, I had no choice but to go through driver’s ed, a process that lasted months, cost 500 Euros, and bruised my ego when I failed the first practical exam.
Then, a year after obtaining my license, a car accident led me into a labyrinth of unfamiliar experiences: police and insurance forms, car repairs, doctor’s appointments, and even back surgery.
Dealing with dual taxation
While some countries have treaties with the US to prevent dual taxation, the only way to avoid dealing with the IRS is to give up US citizenship. Since I have no plans to expatriate, I am required to file taxes in both Spain and the US.
Feeling like an outsider in both countries
Many Spaniards see me as a “güiri,” a term used to describe white foreigners with a sense of naiveté. Initially, I shrugged it off and even embraced the label as a newcomer who didn’t fully understand. However, after a decade, being regularly referred to as a güiri by strangers, students, and even in-laws is a constant reminder that I don’t belong here.
In addition to feeling like an outsider in Spain, many of my friends and family back in the US also perceive me as different, which has led to an identity crisis.
The pain of being far from loved ones
Undoubtedly, the most challenging aspect of living abroad is being separated from family and friends, and this has become even more difficult since having children. Out of the hundred guests at our wedding near the Alhambra Palace, only nine were from my side of the family. Beyond the expensive flights, bringing our family of four back to visit my American side costs us $5,000 during summertime. While my friends are saving for college or a house, our savings are devoted to seeing our family in Michigan.
Courtesy of Kristina Crandall
Living far from my American home takes a toll financially, but the absence of family support makes it even more challenging to raise my children and witness their growth. While smartphones keep us connected on a daily basis, I can’t drop off my kids at my mom’s house or invite my family to their special events. I am also separated from the holidays, traditions, and cultural experiences that shaped my Midwestern upbringing. Instead of baseball, it’s fútbol; instead of Santa Claus, it’s the Three Kings; and instead of the tooth fairy, it’s Ratoncito Pérez.
Finding a healthy balance of multiculturalism for my children without confusing them or subjecting them to social exclusion has been a constant juggling act.
