Listen up, it’s time to make a decision. Sitting on the fence is no longer an option. This realization hit me while observing bins in Manchester (yes, my life is truly glamorous). These bins, set up by the council, aimed to encourage proper disposal of litter. They had two slots, each representing a side in a debate. Are you Team Noel or Team Liam? Barbie or Oppenheimer? Dispose your litter accordingly and the digital counters will tally the votes. However, it was the third bin that captured my attention: the eternal battle between barm and muffin. Being well aware of the intensity of Mancunians’ arguments over bread products, I wisely decided not to get involved. Let them fight it out amongst themselves.
But when it comes to other food and drink choices, there’s room for discussion and debate. Of course, certain options are non-negotiable. Medium rare triumphs over well done any day. Traditional printed menus reign supreme over QR codes. And don’t even get me started on margherita versus Hawaiian pizza; there’s only one correct answer. These choices go beyond mere preferences and become tests of character. You’ll be judged, no doubt. However, there are other choices that invite conversation.
Let’s talk about breakfast, for instance. Are you a tea or coffee person? Jam or marmalade on your toast? Corn flakes or muesli for your cereal fix? White sliced bread or sourdough? Consider your answers carefully because this is about where you stand at the start of your day. These choices matter. Some have more to do with regional identity than taste. Your preference for mushy peas or garden peas, or whether you opt for chips with curry sauce or with gravy, can reveal your roots.
As someone who often enjoys eating and drinking in public, I feel it’s only fair to share some of my own preferences. For instance, I’ve made it clear in previous writings that I favor vodka over gin. Gin tends to be overpowering and idiosyncratic, lacking the simplicity and versatility of vodka. When it comes to water, I’m definitely a fan of sparkling over still. Why settle for something as flat and lifeless as still water when you can enjoy the effervescence of sparkling? Red wine, if necessary, but my true allegiance lies with white wine. I prefer its crisp, bright, and mildly acidic qualities over the deep and tannic nature of red.
Yet, if the choice is between any type of wine and beer, I’ll choose wine every time. Beer can be overwhelming, a constant assault on the senses accompanied by exhausting banter. Forget about food and beer pairings; it’s not my scene. Give me a juicy ribeye steak over a lean fillet any day. The flavor lies in the fat. While back bacon may have its place, it’s usually in someone else’s sandwich, not mine. I prefer streaky bacon. And when it comes to fries, I’ll take the skinny chips over chunky or lazy wedges; salted butter over unsalted; and cheese and onion crisps over salt and vinegar.
Now, picture this: I’m standing on a busy high street, hungry, quite possibly tipsy, and in desperate need of sustenance. At that moment, with all the choices available, Burger King takes precedence over McDonald’s. I may have my quirks, but I’m no fool.
Through the years, in this column, I’ve attempted to reveal my true self through subtle arguments and fluid prose. Yet, in these 10 choices laid out before you, I believe I have revealed more about myself than any nostalgic memoir ever could. I have taken sides. I have cast my votes. And now, it’s your turn to make your choices.
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