Dear Amy: What is the proper way to temporarily suspend a friendship? I have known “Lara” for many years, but we don’t have much in common. Spending time with her can be challenging as she tends to dominate conversations, share inappropriate stories, and be overly negative.
However, I became friends with her after she persistently pursued a relationship, and I supported her through a job loss. Despite now stabilizing, she never returned to her previous career and remains angry.
With the onset of COVID-19, I decided to prioritize my closest relationships and began seeing Lara less frequently. Recently, I lost my own job, and although there have been some positives, staying positive can be difficult.
Given the circumstances, I have no desire to spend time with Lara. I cannot handle her complaints about not seeing me or the terrible job market. Despite my polite attempts to distance myself, she continues to reach out, even involving her husband. Should I simply cut off contact without explanation, or do I owe her a conversation? I feel resentful for having to navigate this emotional labor with someone I was never close to. Any advice would be appreciated.
— No More Negativity in N.Y.
No More Negativity: Putting this friendship on “pause” is the appropriate action to take.
It seems that “Lara” is not affected by the typical “ghosting” behavior, as she has involved her husband in contacting you. This suggests that she needs a clear message from you.
Consider sending her an email explaining your situation: “You have continually reached out to me, but I want you to know that I haven’t responded due to the overwhelming demands on my life right now. I will reach out when I am ready, but until then, I need to take a break. Take care of yourself.” She may view this as an invitation to initiate further conversation, but it’s important to resist engaging with her.
If she continues to disregard your wishes and persists in contacting you, it may be necessary to block her and accept that the friendship has come to an end.
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