- As the mother of twins, I have encountered numerous challenges during their college years.
- One of my twins was accepted into her dream school through early decision, while the other was not.
- Sending off two children to college simultaneously was an exceptionally difficult experience.
In 2001, during my pediatric residency, I had a routine pregnancy ultrasound with my husband before work. Little did we know that it would change our lives when we saw two heartbeats. I was carrying twins, a boy and a girl.
A surge of thoughts and fears flooded my mind. Initially, my main concern was navigating through a high-risk pregnancy. As the delivery date approached, we marked each passing week on the calendar and rejoiced in the babies’ development. Everyone had their own advice as we prepared to become first-time parents to two babies at once. The recurring suggestion: “Start saving for college now.” The idea of college seemed unimaginable at that point; I was solely focused on making it through the pregnancy.
Now that my children are in college, I realize the importance of preparing for this stage much earlier.
In August 2002, our healthy twins were born, and life took a different turn
After their birth, the subsequent year was a blur of sleepless nights, diapers, and feedings. Managing everything with twins always seemed more complex. Each milestone became exponentially more challenging when it had to be accomplished with two children simultaneously. Toilet training, teaching them to tie shoelaces, and helping them learn to ride a bike all required extra time and physical endurance compared to raising just one child.
I had anticipated that their childhood years would be the most difficult, but I was mistaken.
When my kids began applying to colleges, I realized I was entering one of the most challenging phases of parenting twins
By the fall of 2019, as our twins started their senior year of high school, it seemed like we were approaching the last stretch of their journey. However, the college application process proved to be a formidable hurdle.
Supporting each of them through the application process was occasionally arduous. Juggling college tour appointments, application deadlines, and organizing application materials proved tedious. When I assisted them with their essays and applications, it was challenging to approach each one with a fresh perspective.
Furthermore, it became especially difficult as my twins decided not to discuss the application process with each other to avoid competitiveness. I found myself in the middle, observing both my children applying to the same dream school. It was a delicate balance determining how much I should involve them in each other’s applications.
Unfortunately, one of my twins was accepted to her first-choice school while the other was not
We experienced the unexpected situation where one twin was accepted through early decision into her top-choice school, while the other was not. It was a challenging day in our household, and I had to find a way to support both of them. We celebrated for one while comforting the disappointed one.
While one knew where she was headed in November due to the early decision, the other had to continue applying. Eventually, in the spring, the second twin gained admission to a fantastic school, coincidentally the same university where the first twin was accepted. They decided to attend the same university but enroll in different schools.
Amidst the pandemic, we spent our unexpectedly available time reviewing packing lists and planning dorm rooms. When fall arrived, their school reopened for in-person learning, and we made two trips from Connecticut to unpack their dorms. Holding back tears, we bid them farewell.
With both of them gone, the reality of the situation settled in for me
Although I am not yet an empty nester, having two kids away at college made adapting to life at home more emotionally challenging than I anticipated. The house became exponentially quieter.
Everyone talks about the emotional struggle of bidding farewell and leaving your “baby” behind. Going through that twice in a week intensified all my emotions. Despite being fraternal twins of different genders, they had never been separated before. This marked the first time they would not be following the same schedule or attending the same classes.
All of this took a toll on me. I worried about how they would cope with the separation, even though they were accustomed to being independent.
As the college years progressed, things became easier
As we embark on their senior year, we have adjusted to the quietness of our home, and our twins have developed their own bond outside of our presence. This opportunity allowed them to grow as individuals. They have taken on more responsibility for the logistical challenges that were difficult in earlier years. Fortunately, the emotional stress has decreased.
Ultimately, I have come to realize that parenting has no finish line, and I eagerly await the next phase.
