At the age of 18, during my work experience at a hospital, I had the opportunity to witness a friend’s dad conducting surgery. Stepping into that operating theater and witnessing the intricate process of lifting up a bowel, I was immediately captivated. I knew in that moment that I had to pursue a career in surgery.
As a breast surgeon, I have always appreciated the artistry and the profound relationship that develops between the surgeon and their patients. However, in a rather ironic twist, I neglected to regularly check my own breasts. I had a false sense of security, believing that as a breast surgeon, I was somehow immune to breast cancer. Looking back, this belief was completely absurd.
It was only when I had an ultrasound for a lump in my breast that I instantly recognized it as cancer. I knew I would need chemotherapy and a mastectomy. I also had a decent idea of my prognosis, estimating a 60-70% chance of being alive in 10 years.
I received treatment at the hospital where I had trained, and my former colleagues performed my operation. Despite everyone trying to maintain a professional demeanor, I could sense the emotions in the room. I wanted to assert some control by suggesting certain sutures, drain placement, and dressing choices. However, my surgeon kindly reminded me to be the patient and trust her completely. It was difficult for me to relinquish control, but I knew it was necessary.
I never truly understood the impact of having breast cancer until it happened to me. I was only familiar with the basic side-effects of chemotherapy because that was the job of the oncologist. Suddenly, I experienced the brain fog, constipation, and the way menopausal symptoms can affect relationships. I also grieved for the loss of things that cancer had taken from me, such as the ability to have children due to the high likelihood of infertility caused by chemotherapy.
I took 18 months off to recover and plan my return to work. It was an incredibly challenging time. The first time I saw a patient find out they had cancer, particularly a young person, I witnessed them and their partner crumble under the weight of the news. I felt completely powerless, realizing that there was little I could do to make their situation better. These moments triggered flashbacks of when my own husband and I received a similar diagnosis.
I am embarrassed to admit that I never engaged with patients’ forums or listened attentively to their experiences at conferences. Doctors should take the time to do so in order to understand what patients truly desire and need after leaving their office. Similarly, I never truly listened to patients at conferences because I was too focused on networking and staying up to date with the latest treatments. It is crucial for everyone in the medical field to prioritize the patient experience and actively listen to their stories.
Five months after returning to work, my cancer returned. This meant further treatments such as implant removal, more radiotherapy, and having my ovaries removed. Eventually, I was forced to retire due to the loss of mobility in my left arm, which made it unsafe for me to continue operating. I felt a deep despair as I realized that twenty years of my life had seemingly vanished. However, through sharing my story through blogs, videos, and conversations, I have found a new way to help others. Rediscovering oneself in such circumstances is undeniably challenging, especially when it was never a choice to begin with.
In hindsight, I can’t recall the last surgery I performed as a surgeon. I received the results of my biopsy the following day and never returned to the operating room. I often wonder if I had known it was my final operation, would I have approached it differently? Would the pressure have made me better or worse? I truly miss the experience of being in that room with a team of individuals coming together to make a difference in someone’s life.
Dr. Liz O’Riordan is not only a breast surgeon but also an author, podcaster, and influential figure on Instagram. Her memoir, “Under the Knife: Life Lessons from the Operating Theatre,” has been published by Unbound.
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