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There exists a unique demographic between the ages of 65 and 80 who are unfamiliar with the concept of soft play. Soft play entails taking the idea of a playground and relocating it indoors, typically in a windowless environment devoid of fresh air. In this setting, padded surfaces and hollow plastic balls in vibrant colors are introduced, catering to children aged three and below, who often spend their time either screaming or making poor choices. The sounds reverberate due to the acoustics, which are affected by the absence of windows or the utilization of inexpensive corrugated wall materials. To intensify the experience, the children are submerged beneath a sea of balls, inexplicably amplifying their noise levels while rendering them invisible.
Consequently, every adult finds themselves enclosed in a chamber of hyper-alert solitude, unable to locate their own child amidst the confusion. It becomes challenging to discern whether the cacophony originates from their own offspring or a pack of wolves. Furthermore, the overwhelming visual stimulation adds to the disorientation experienced by adults.
Initially, I believed this phenomenon to be an unsolvable riddle within the realm of leisure activities. Why do we subject ourselves to such an ordeal? However, my perspective changed upon the emergence of an adult-only soft play establishment in north London, complete with a bar. Although there may be a reduction in screaming and an increase in self-control due to alcohol consumption, the overall experience remains equally as dreadful. It cannot be intended for new parents, as that would entail escaping one’s own children only to care for someone else’s. Conversely, it cannot cater to older parents either, as it would evoke such terrible memories as to overshadow any positive ones. This establishment presumably targets individuals who reminisce about their own soft-play years, engaging in an act of regression that, if slightly more enjoyable, would border on fetishistic behavior.
In another display of adult infantilism, a brawl erupted on a recent Ryanair flight when one passenger allegedly refused to let another pass by him to reach his window seat. However, this dispute, reminiscent of a squabble between two six-year-olds, does not fully revert individuals to a state of toddlerhood. It does, however, raise questions about the state of adult life and how dire it has become.
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