Name: Coffee enthusiasts.
Age: Approximately 600 years old.
Appearance: It varies.
On what? On their coffee preferences.
But I like my coffee how I like my men. Subtle and filled with history?
Lukewarm, too. But let me share more. Dunkin’ Donuts recently conducted a comprehensive survey where participants had to associate personality traits with their preferred coffee choices.
So now we can accurately assess someone based on their coffee preference? Absolutely. This is scientific excellence at its finest.
Well, I’ve always enjoyed a delightful latte. Really?
Why? Is that the wrong answer? I can change it. Let me change it! No, according to the survey, 26% of latte drinkers consider themselves people pleasers, so it seems you’re right on target.
The survey has uncovered something intriguing! Absolutely. It also divulges that cappuccino enthusiasts are the most content with their lives, individuals who prefer americano are comfortable in their own skin, and those who opt for non-dairy coffee are…
I know! Introverted moralists! Bingo! And if you happen to witness someone enjoying an espresso, chances are they probably pursued higher education.
Because it requires immense intellectual discipline to convince oneself that they enjoy an objectively repulsive beverage? Let’s say yes. As for individuals who favor double espressos, they tend to be well-read and well-traveled. Those who prefer flat whites are known for their honesty and trustworthiness.
That sounds suspiciously close to “I don’t possess a distinctive personality, but thanks for asking”. True. Now, what about mocha lovers?
Infants. Silly grown-up infants. No, actually, they’re widely perceived as very attractive.
No, they’re not. They’re peculiar adults who mix chocolate into their coffee due to their sensitive tummies. However, the survey suggests otherwise. One-fifth of mocha drinkers described themselves as sexy. Perhaps a follow-up survey is necessary to examine the multiple personality flaws of those who deem themselves “sexy” based on a list of potential attributes.
They’re probably proficient in bed too. No. People who delight in iced coffee tend to excel in bed. Additionally, they have a fondness for parties. The survey should not be doubted.
We haven’t discussed individuals who add flavored syrup to their beverages. Oh, right. According to the survey, they identify themselves as funny and happy. I personally don’t indulge in flavored coffee.
It’s quite evident. But isn’t this intriguing? It showcases our innate desire to express our identities to the world. Even something as seemingly inconsequential as our choice of coffee reveals a great deal about ourselves. It proves that each coffee drinker is unique and diverse, and no single characteristic can unite us all.
Unpleasant breath? Okay, fine, yes, we all struggle with terrible breath.
Do say: “I’ll have a mocha, please.”
Don’t say: “Exclude the self-awareness.”
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